The Dick Nicks Final Four: Which Pro Athlete’s Nickname is the Best Euphemism for a Penis?

The Muscle Hamster’s impossible quest for a fifth straight upset comes to a head against the hairless stoic known as The Polish Hammer.

In a modern retelling of Rocky IV, the Iron-Hearted Crankshaft looks to pound through the superhuman veneer of The Hebrew Hammer.

2013 Dick Nick Championships: Round 4 Circumcisions

NBA Region

2) Kobe Bryant: “Black Mamba”

NFL Region

8) Maurice Jones-Drew: “Pocket Hercules”

MLB Region

5) Aroldis Chapman: “The Cuban Missile”

NHL Region

10) James Reimer: “Optimus Reim”