What In The Actual Almighty F*ck Are The New York Jets Doing?

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As I’ve gotten older, the value of being more careful with my words has become increasingly apparent with each passing year. Once something is put out to the universe, it cannot be taken back. As Pandora would say about his famed box, I told y’all motherfuckers to keep that shit closed. Or something along those lines.

But when it comes to the New York Jets, the rules of reason don’t apply. Whether it be the Rabbit Hole, the Upside Down, or whatever pop cultural reference you want to use to describe the sideways dimension that the Jets seem to exist in, New York City’s junior varsity football team doesn’t seem to operate within the same laws of logic as the rest of the world around them. How else can you explain their public backing of a coach with two measly wins under his belt?

That’s right, on Wednesday — you know, during the midst of the eleventh week of the NFL season — New York Jets CEO and Clownmander in Chief Christopher Johnson confirmed to reporters that head coach Adam Gase would be returning next season.

“I want to assure you there will be no changes in coaches here,” Johnson said in an opening statement to reporters. “Adam has the trust of this team. He has the trust of Sam [Darnold]. He has Joe [Douglas’] trust. He has my trust. He’s a good man, he’s a good coach.”

Whether or not Gase is the answer for the Jets (he’s not) is irrelevant. What’s so mind-numbing about this statement is not the what, but the when.

The Jets are currently embroiled in one of their worst seasons in recent memory. They’re 2-7. They lost to the fucking Miami Dolphins and they’re ghost-seeing quarterback came down with mono. I haven’t even mentioned the Kelechi Osemele fiasco. In fact, given the current confluence of head-scratching circumstances surrounding the franchise, it can be argued that the Jets are Jetting harder than they’ve ever Jetted before.

And yet, with SEVEN GAMES left in the 2019 season, the Jets’ brass has decided now is the time to give Gase a public vote of confidence. Uh, hey, guys? What if the Jets don’t win another fucking game this year? Now you’re heading into the offseason with a 2-14 coach that you’ve already promised a job. What in the actual almighty fuck does that accomplish?

Perhaps what makes the Jets’ recent era of incompetence so painful is that they’re doing so with what appears to be a franchise quarterback on the roster for the first time since the days of Chad Pennington. Try wrapping your head around that for a second: the years of Chad fucking Pennington are considered to be the halcyon days around here. You could not write something more pathetic if you tried.

But despite the fact that the Jets may finally have a decade-long quarterback to build around, they’re still forging forward with a coach who had the young man’s confidence so depleted that he admitted to seeing ghosts on a hot mic.

Every Jets fan knows Adam Gase isn’t the answer. It’s just a damn shame those in charge don’t.


Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Contact him on Twitter @eric_ital or via email eric@brobible.com

Eric Italiano BroBIble avatar
Eric Italiano is a NYC-based writer who spearheads BroBible's Pop Culture and Entertainment content. He covers topics such as Movies, TV, and Video Games, while interviewing actors, directors, and writers.