The Water Coolest is a free daily business news and professional advice email newsletter created for weekday warriors that is delivered fresh daily at 7 AM EST. You can subscribe at thewatercoolest.com.
THE HEADLINES
Don’t have 3 minutes and 44 seconds to read The Water Coolest? Listen on all of your favorite podcast outlets in 2 minutes or less.
KING OF THE TRILL
Apple has made history by becoming the first US company to achieve a market cap of one trillion dollars. Suck it, Bezos.
Apple first joined the four comma club when shares hit $207.04 during afternoon trading. AAPL closed at $207.39.
The stock has risen 23% YTD. Tim Cook and Co. attributed the latest surge to strong revenue and profit gains thanks to pricier iPhone sales and sales from the app store. We’re looking at you Goat Simulator.
Haters are concerned that Apple is not developing and launching “new products,” but sales of the iPhone show no signs of slowing down. Apple may have company at the top soon as Amazon, Google, and Microsoft are well positioned to join the trillionaire boys club.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “I would say that Steve Jobs is celebrating somewhere in the great beyond, but he was an atheist, so nevermind.”
SECOND CHAPTER
There are only 102 Brookstone locations left in malls across America, and soon, you’ll have to go elsewhere to get your drone that doubles as shower speaker. On Thursday, Brookstone filed for its second round of Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in just under four years.
According to the filing, Brookstone’s balance sheet includes $500M in liabilities, but only $50M to $100M in assets. The company known for selling gadgets no one needs will be closing all of its mall locations. All airport locations and online properties are safe … for now.
While it’ll remain in business, for the time being, Brookstone needs to find a buyer. Without a purchase, the company may be forced to liquidate, as its Chinese owner, Sanpower, is not in the business of losing money. Sanpower has owned Brookstone since its first bankruptcy in 2014.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Great, where am I supposed to eat my Auntie Anne’s and get a shiatsu massage while my girlfriend takes out a second mortgage in Anthropologie?”
CLICKBAITED
“How do you do fellow kids?” – the Warner Music Group, probably
Warner Music Group will buy Uproxx, the millennial-centric digital content site (read: cat videos) for an undisclosed amount that is allegedly not less than “tens of millions” of dollars.
Uproxx which boasts 40M users will help WMG diversify its brand. It will also give the music peddlers direct access to impressionable “yutes” and their parent’s hard earned dollars. Plus, cutting out gatekeepers like Spotify to distribute NOW! 64 and the like may prove valuable to the record label.
Meanwhile, once-hot upstarts in the media space are facing a reckoning. Google and Facebook continue to hoover up ad dollars leaving “new” media companies like Mashable and Buzzfeed sh*t out of luck.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Buzzfeed promptly made a listicle of the top 10 reasons why Warner Music should have bought them.”
IN OTHER NEWS
- Sonos orchestrated an opus-like IPO yesterday as shares rose 33%. Like (blue-tooth connected) music to the investor’s ears.
- The Bank of England raised interest rates to its highest level since 2009.
- Cisco Systems purchased security company, Duo Security to bolster its cybersecurity portfolio. The company is diversifying itself as it moves away from strictly being a network gear provider.
- Peloton raises $550M at a $4.15B valuation in what the streaming stationary bike company claims will be its final funding round before it goes public.