This 6-Year-Old’s Diabolical Letter To Santa Belongs In A Museum

by 1 month ago

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When did you learn Santa was a fraud? For me, embarrassingly, I remained blissfully ignorant for far too long. I think I was looking for my driver’s license in my mom’s jewelry box when I found all the letters I wrote to Santa. I was crushed. Not an ideal realization to come to right before junior prom.

But, prior to that, I was all in on the big guy. I would wait in line for what seemed like hours at the mall only to hop up on Saint Nick’s bony knee, if only for a few moments. Only later I found out that the dude’s name was Dale and that bracelet around his ankle wasn’t a reindeer tracker, it was court issued. If you can think of a better microcosm for life, I’m all ears.

A big part of me wishes I was this six-year-old who saw through the fairytale and pageantry right away. NPR Radio host Sarah McCammon tweeted that son had written a letter to Santa as part of a class project. When he grows up, this kid is either going to be a detective or a serial killer. Right now, it’s a toss up.

The letter reads:

Dear Santa,

Santa I’m only doing this for class. I know your notty list is emty. And your good list is emty. and your life is emty. You don’t know the trouble I’ve had in my life. Good bye.

love

I’m not telling you my name

This little tyke keeps it real. In hindsight, Santa had a funny way of rewarding the assholes. How come that prick Jamie Jenkinson got a Power Wheels for Christmas when he was bagged stealing shit from Show and Tell and my big gift was a Tamagachi that I let starve before the New Year. Naughty and Nice list my ass.

[h/t NY Post]


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