We here at BroBible have a simple stance. When it comes to beer, it should be be free. Beer at sporting events? Free. Beer at bars? Free. Beer at grocery stores? Free.
Something so wonderfully life-affirming should not require money to possess. It would be like Jesus charging $20 bucks a head to hear his Sermon on the Mount, which I’m pretty sure he didn’t do. And that wine at the wedding? Not a god damn chance he turned his trick into a cash bar.
No. Our boy Jesus gave out booze for free, and if it was good enough for him it should be good enough for everyone in the entire world 2,000 years later.
But now, corporations and greed run the world and beer is not free.
That said, we can do our best to point you toward the cheapest neighborhood in every city you could possibly live in in America to get you sauce on.
We teamed up with Price Per Pint to create heat maps of the biggest metropolises to find where you should head to not blow $40 bucks on a date or $20 on getting yourself to a state in which you can tolerate the concept that you have to go back to the office the next day.
And be sure to download their app, which will show you the cheapest bar in your vicinity. That’s only the most amazing concept ever.
Atlanta
The home of Sweetwater 420 and the always entertaining Barves offers cheap sauce east of the city.
Boston
Beers in Southie will only run you four dollars, because like fuck a wife-beater wearing, BoSox-cheering construction worker is gonna buy a six dollar Bud Light after eight hours of digging a trench under that city, all while spending the past 2,300 days pissed off that Mark Wahlberg’s character in Invincible wasn’t rewritten to be about the Patriots.
Charlotte
No beer cost more than four dollars because you have to offer some incentive to come live in the office park capital of the free world.
Chicago
The most popular beer in Chicago is Old Style, which tastes like someone sucked all the fun out of an O’Douls and left you with its ass end.
Dallas
At $3.50 a pop for the cheapest offerings of bottles and cans, it only cost Cowboys fans $12 dollars this time last year to convince themselves Greg Hardy was a good person.
Denver
Meh
Houston
Sure, beers are cheap, but the 42 miles you need to drive to get from your house to the closest bar will cost you a pretty penny.
Los Angeles
No one drinks alcohol in Los Angeles anymore so I’m not sure why we have this in here. The city where every annoying fad celebrity diet originates from can’t drought itself to death soon enough.
In my opinion.
Miami
If you’re searching for the cheapest beer in Miami, I’m guessing your cocaine budget is pretty tight, which what are you even doing in Miami then?
Minneapolis
You know those tardigrades that can be frozen to absolute zero then revived with no damage to their body whatsoever? I imagine every winter in Minneapolis the same thing occurs to its residents.
New Orleans
The only city where you can vomit on your friends for under five bucks worth of booze. We should all live in New Orleans.
New York City
Every date I’ve gone on in this town has cost me approximately $250 because women can’t order a god damn happy hour beer like a normal degenerate loser and have to get a cocktail that cost more than my rent did back in college.
Then again, you’re paying out the wazoo for beers here, too.
Philadelphia
You can’t spell “Fuck all you motherfuckers,” without alcohol. Probably.
Phoenix
I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of this city.
Portland
Sure, your beer only cost you $2.50, but the lecture your bartender gave you about her vegan commune destroyed your soul.
San Diego
Meh.
San Francisco
I lived in San Francisco before the tech boom and it was the most wonderful, magical time of my life. Now you can’t go five feet without being told about the benefits of hypersocial connectivity. Fuck that.
Seattle
Seattle looks relatively inexpensive, and it’s nice occasionally, which is something you can’t say about Philadelphia.
St. Louis
I’ve also never heard of this place.
Washington, D.C.
The newest kingdom of hipsterdom, Washington, D.C. is about to explode on the national conversation much the way Williamsburg did ten years ago and god, god will we all hate it so, so soon.
That said, go Caps.
Thanks again to Price Per Point for these maps. Download their app!