Some people have sex dreams. Some people dream of being fantastically rich so they can live a life of fantasy. Me? I dream of pizza. Delicious, greasy pizza. Like I’ve actually woken up from naps in a hot sweat thinking about how badly I want a slice from Prince Street Pizza or Bleecker Street Pizza or Joe’s Pizza or Baker’s Pizza or GGs or Best Pizza in Williamsburg. I could literally sit here all night and just rattle off the pizza places in New York that make me drool just by thinking about them. FUCK, I JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVE PIZZA YOU GUYS
I hope your Thursday night ended like my night ended: eating four slices slices of sausage pizza dipped into a bowl of ranch dressing.
— brandon wenerd (@brandonwenerd) September 9, 2016
But that’s not that weird. Anyone who grew up watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Saturday mornings knows that pizza gives you superpowers. Sure — It might be loaded with sodium and cholesterol and all sorts of shit that’s *TECHNICALLY* bad for your health, but still… Pizza. It literally causes you to level the fuck up:
The fitness website Naija Gym Blog tried to shame its followers out of eating pizza. It went for some real “Just Say No” D.A.R.E. tactics, reminding people that there’s oil in those slices of heaven. Except it’s pizza — You can’t shame any fun, sane human being out of NOT eating it.
Two slices of pizza are the equivalent to swallowing 3 spoons of warm oil. Do you feel like eating pizza now? pic.twitter.com/MXBl9lFIYv
— Naija Gym Blog (@naijagym) February 16, 2017
So it blew up in their face. The first high profile person to chime up was former BroBible Ask A Babe columnist and food lover Chrissy Teigen:
This was followed by a stream of wrath, because seriously — FUCK YOUR FITNESS GOALS, WHO DOESN’T LOVE PIZZA?!
The reactions to this stupid question just kept going…
https://twitter.com/jennywhojenny/status/833376888777224193
https://twitter.com/jtabrys/status/833527910522880000
https://twitter.com/scottbix/status/833400487424569344
yep! pic.twitter.com/aK59M8vBzo
— Antwan V. Staley (@antwanstaley) February 19, 2017
This warm oil tastes delicious @naijagym pic.twitter.com/L9OCK8mwgc
— Moneybagg Yo(hannes) 🇪🇷 (@AronYohannes) February 19, 2017
How much oil is in two slices of this? @naijagym pic.twitter.com/zr14ZwKcY6
— Ben Folds Fifth Wife Left Him (@MustacheDad) February 19, 2017
hell yeah pic.twitter.com/UBg2I2Kodr
— yeehaw buckaroo (@AshyVandross) February 19, 2017
mmmm warm oil pic.twitter.com/XvZOKKqvk8
— L👑L Charlotte (@LOLCLT) February 19, 2017
https://twitter.com/daniel_cramer/status/833409321199353857
Just remember:
Swayze said it best: