Apparently, Having Sex in Space Can Kill Us
According to a “study,” who you may know from former roles such as “fatty foods leads to increased risk of heart attack,” or “too much time being sad may lead to depression,” having sex in space could lead to you ceasing to exist earlier than you otherwise would:
Bad news for everyone who’s been dreaming about intergalactic intercourse since those heady tween years: a new study found that sex in space could actually present some rather life-threatening illnesses.
Studies on plant cells showed that processes involved in reproduction are impacted by zero-gravity conditions like those experienced in space. Scientists said this could have major implications for humans hoping to make space babies. “Our findings offer new insight into how life evolved on Earth and are significant with regards to human health, as a traffic jam on these highways that also exist in human cells can cause cancer and illnesses such as Alzheimer’s,” a Montreal University professor told the Daily Mail.
Other things that might vaguely be bad include sitting in a chair for too long, sitting in a chair for too little, drinking coffee, eating food, public transportation, drinking alcohol, eating pizza rolls, not doing laundry as often as you should, and not taking a shit when your body is telling to. Yolo stuff, mostly.