I have this crazy old dude who lives down the block from me that did way too many drugs in the 60s and is now paying for it. Everytime I see him, he launches into this monologue about the time he saw the Castros, Pope John Paul II, the Kennedy’s, Barack Obama and Josef Stalin having a secret meeting at the baseball field in town. If I wasn’t afraid he was going to try and bite my dick off, I’d definitely stick around and hear how the story ends. But I’m pretty afraid the dude is going to bite my dick off. The question I always struggle with, however, is whether this guy was hallucinating/on drugs like 30 years ago when he saw this mirage and still believes it’s true, or is just hallucinating because of drugs now and has no idea what even goes on in his own mind.
Regardless of the answer, that’s pretty much the exact same conundrum I come up against when dealing with Rush Limbaugh. Take this fire take Rush had about how he doesn’t understand how people can still believe in evolution when, clearly, Harambe has more than proved its inaccuracy.
“By the way, you know there’s another factor in this, Snerdley? A lot of people think that all of us used to be apes. Don’t doubt me on this. A lot of people think that all of us used to be gorillas, and they’re looking for the missing link out there. The evolution crowd. They think we were originally apes. I’ve always had a question: If we were the original apes, then how come Harambe is still an ape, and how come he didn’t become one of us?”
“Don’t doubt me on this. I know it sounds crazy, but people actually believe that humans came from apes, even though there are still apes on this planet.” That’s a hot take, that’s a white-hot take. That’s a take unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. Also, how about him always wondering why Harambe was still an ape? Has he been following Harambe for all these years, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Does he sit in anti-evolution meetings and say whisper, “Listen guys, there’s this ape in Cincinnati named Harambe. He’s going to be big. Keep an eye on him.” Why did anyone even call Rush in on this one. That’s has to be close to bottom of the barrell. “Fuck, we need to keep this Harambe story live, it’s hot. Who haven’t we talked to?” “Uh…Rush Limbaugh.” “Boom, love it. Get him on the horn.” Honestly, only Rush could turn an event that everyone has been discussing in terms of animal cruelty, parental awareness and loss of life and turn it on its head to be all about how evolution is obviously not true. If anything, this is beginning to prove my theory that Rush isn’t marred by insanity but actually is blessed with super-sanity. He sees the world in ways that we can’t. So sure, this take makes no sense to us, but it’s not supposed to. We not meant to understand Rush, we’re meant to listen and do what he says.
