A Completely Biased Ranking Of The 45 Worst Halloween Treats You Can Ever Receive

By 10.19.16

Most Popular Halloween Candy In Each State

In honor of the fact that Halloween is just a few short days away, we wanted to take the opportunity to take a Texas-sized shit on some of the “treats” that terrible people hand out. If you happen to enjoy some of the candy or other “treats” listed below — like candy corn — tough shit. Go write your own list, hotshot. If you think we missed anything — like Mr Goodbar or Almond Joy — eat a dick, we like those. Also, go write your own list.

Enough grabass. Let’s get down to the 45 worst things someone can give you on Halloween (STDs not included).

45. Hersey’s Kisses
44. Candy Corn
43. Fun Dip
42. Pop Rocks
41. Red Hots
40. Pez
39. Now and Later
38. Pixie Stix
37. Lemonheads
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36. Candy Cigarettes
35. Airheads
34. Life Savers
33. Laffy Taffy
32. Hot Tamales
31. Raisinettes
30. Milk Duds
29. Dots
28. Mounds
27. Goobers
26. Whoppers
25. Peanut Chew
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24. Snowcaps
23. Sugar Daddy
22. Razzles
21. Tootsie Rolls
20. Dum Dum Lollipops
19. Whatchamacallit
18. Skor
17. Salt Water Taffy
16. Root Beer Barrels
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15. Dubble Bubble Gum
14. Apples
13. Atomic Fireballs
12. Nik-L-Nips
11. Wax Lips
10. Bit-O-Honey
9. Brach’s Strawberry Bon-Bons
8. Raisins
7. Mary Jane
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6. Necco Wafers
5. Toothbrush
4. Good & Plenty
3. Original Boston Baked Beans
2. Circus Peanuts
1. Butterscotch Hard Candies

Fin.

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