Lindsay Lohan claims she almost never does drugs or drinks

Lindsay Lohan sat down with Piers Morgan for The Daily Mail before finally settling into rehab and did an interview that will both shock and amaze. I don’t even know where to start.

How about we just list a small sampling of the Q&A and go from there?

PM: When did you start going off the rails?

LL: I think when I made the move to LA in my late teens. I got arrested for my first DUI (Driving Under the Influence) when I was 20 and they found me with drugs (her Mercedes struck a kerb outside a club on May 26, 2007, and she was charged after police found cocaine in the car). And from then on the press were on me all the time. It was the first time I’d taken drugs; I was out in a club with people I shouldn’t have been with, and took cocaine, and got in the car. It was so stupid.

PM: How many times have you taken cocaine?

LL: Everyone thinks I’ve done it so many times. But I’ve only done it maybe four or five times in my life.

Ummm. Okay.

PM: Do you drink a lot?

LL: Not really. I’ve never been a huge drinker. I’ve never woken up in the morning and had a drink.

PM: So you’re not a big drinker, don’t take a lot of drugs – why do you need rehab?

LL: This is where it gets hard for me to explain. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people taking time to just be by themselves. I think people want to see me do that. They will keep saying the same things about me if I don’t. I don’t think it will be a bad thing for me to be away with myself for three months.

PM: Do you think you personally need this treatment, for physical or psychological reasons?

LL: I don’t think I need to be on lockdown for three months. I don’t think that’s rehab.

PM: How often have you been in rehab?

LL: I’ve been court-ordered to do it six times. I could write the book on rehab. Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time.

Okay, that’s all I can take. Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab SIX times now, but doesn’t have a problem? How many times have you been in rehab, by the way?

I could go on and tell you about how she said, “I don’t drink every day.” And how she said, “I’d rather not drink and just focus on work.” But I won’t. If you want to read the rest of this interview, please do feel free to click the link below. Fair warning: it goes on FOREVER.

Lindsay Lohan talks drugs, sex and rehab with Piers Morgan [Daily Mail]