Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Is 'gangbang' one word or two? I'm writing a letter trying to get out of jury duty and I don't wanna sound stupid.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 28, 2013
I think you could really go either way.
The United States…….. is………ranked………….9th ………in the……….world for…………………… Internet speed.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 29, 2013
How is this even possible?
I'm beginning to think Johnny Manziel is Justin Beiber in pads.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) July 29, 2013
I’ll give someone five million dollars to catapult a burrito into my window right now.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) July 29, 2013
We’ve all been there.
My 2 year old son & I saw a 10,000 gallon septic tank get emptied. Can't beat that! RT @TaraReid: i hope that everyone had a great weekend!
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 29, 2013
Guess I know what I am doing this weekend.
I'm for gun control except for when it comes to women who have a weapon w/them at all times in case Robin Thicke tries to domesticate them.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) July 29, 2013
Why do people send me links to my own porn? I was there. I know what happens…
— Kayden Kross (@Kayden_Kross) July 29, 2013
I'd rather hold Oprah's hand while she has violent diarrhea than watch one second of Kris Jenner's show.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 29, 2013
From one bad mental image right into another.
Idea: A Transformers movie that can transform into a much better movie.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) July 29, 2013
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) June 29, 2013
Exactly how I would probably pose with her too.
Stop telling me to get a therapist because I know for a fact they would tell me to quit twitter then we all lose
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 30, 2013
My boobs are MY boobs. Guys I was TERRIFIED for my wisdom teeth surgery back in May so do you really think I'd get implants? Definitely not!
— Alyssa Campanella (@AlyssCampanella) July 30, 2013
The more you know, amirite?
Tomorrow is another day!
— Ryan Lochte (@ryanlochte) July 30, 2013
Now I’m inspired.
I'm not here to tame anybody.
— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) July 30, 2013
Is She Hatin' Or Is She Lesbian? How To Decode The Stare – a guide by Ireland Baldwin
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) July 30, 2013
Still waiting for that guide, Ireland!
or 30. or 31.. @MelissaStetten “I’m in my twenties.” -a girl who is 28 or 29.
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) July 30, 2013
"Kiss me on the lips or you're fired!" is something you shouldn't say to your crew, I learned today
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) July 31, 2013
So cross that one off my list.
I often wonder what the reporters assigned to follow Alex Rodriguez around did in a previous life.
— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) July 31, 2013
Murdered newborn puppies?
It's national orgasm day. Hmm. You don't say.
— Ashley Alexiss (@AshAlexiss) July 31, 2013
There are two kinds of women in this world, those who never wear make-up to the gym and those who let guys cum on their faces.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 31, 2013
That’s pretty definitive.
The worst thing you could find on a woman's body would be a Trump stamp.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 31, 2013
You’re getting an image in your mind now, aren’t you?
Simon cowell to friends wife.." Your going to hollywood!"
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) August 1, 2013
You’re getting the “The X Chromosome!” Or the Y. Don’t know yet.
'I'm not a monster' bleats Ariel Castro. No, you disgusting little man, you're worse than that. Now shut up and go to your cell. #CNN
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) August 1, 2013
Ariel Castro, shut your monstrous excuse spewing mouth and go to jail now please.
— josh groban (@joshgroban) August 1, 2013
Okay, it’s unanimous.
Figured out how I lost my phone pic.twitter.com/W8EQVxbEYy
— Holly Peers (@HollyJadePeers) August 1, 2013
@chrissyteigen I just thumbs-downed your face!
— John Legend (@johnlegend) August 1, 2013
Oh, he got her with that one!!
TRY THIS! Whenever you drive by an old person using a walker, roll down your window and scream, "HE'S GETTING AWAY!!!" #Fun
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 2, 2013
Excellent, another fun thing for the weekend.