It’s hard to find a person who doesn’t love college. It’s a fun four (maybe five) years for anyone who is lucky enough to attend. Every year college students start with goals and expectations, “This year, I’m going to increase my GPA,” “This year I’m going to not drink” etc.; every college student has either heard or said something to that effect.
Colleges are wrapping up around the country right around now, so why not look back on those goals/expectations you had in September and compare them to the reality of what happened?
Topic: Your GPA
Expectation:
You started this year with a simple philosophy: “I’m going to be smart this year.” No more going out three times a week and going hung over to 50% of your classes. You were going to plan out your week and actually look at the syllabus’ of your classes every Sunday! This is the year you make you and your parents proud by raising the GPA by half a point (maybe even a full one)!
Reality:
Yeah, that whole “I’m going to be smart this year” philosophy thing didn’t really work out. The only studying that was done was the night before the exam after you stole 50 mgs of your roommates’ Adderall prescription (he still doesn’t know). You wanted to actually read the books in English class this year, but those 100 page reading assignments turned into Sparknotes becoming your second most visited site on your browser. You managed to keep your 2.66-3.0 GPA, but that was out of pure luck/knowing how to rewrite an essay you found on the internet without being caught for plagiarism.
Topic: Going Out
Expectation:
You were going to keep it under control this year. When you did go out, which you didn’t want to do more than once or twice a week, you were going to keep the drinking to the minimum. The main goal was to not be drunk after 7AM at any point throughout year. Oh, and stay away from the London Gin….stay away from the London Gin.
Reality:
Going out once or twice a week sounded great on paper when you decided it in the middle of the summer, but in reality it’s a lot less great. What were you supposed to do? Stay in on a Saturday night? And do what, study? Come on. The “not be drunk after 7AM” goal stood….only through September (better than nothing, right?). Also, London Gin really doesn’t taste that bad.
Topic: A Relationship
Expectation:
This year was the time to stop with the meaningless one-night stands and finally listen to your mother about finding yourself a meaningful relationship.
Reality:
The idea of going to a nice dinner and paying for a girls meal sounds great, it really does, but your bank account just doesn’t match up with that idea right now….Sorry, mom.
Topic: You And Your Roommate
Expectation:
You may have only become friends with him during second semester last year, but new friendships are only strengthened through living together, right?
Reality:
Who knew a college student could snore so loud on such a consistent basis? The relationship didn’t strengthen, it only got worse. You sort of regret shoving his toothbrush in between your butt cheeks and not telling him, but ever since you did that the sight of him brushing his teeth has been the highlight of your day.
Topic: Fitness
Expectation:
Gym….5 times a week!!!
Reality:
Gym…..5 times a semester!!!
Topic: Diet
Expectation:
Pizza? No! French Fries? No! Burgers? NO! Ice Cream? NO! This was the year to get absolutely shredded. As you were half asleep in Statistics 101 you were day dreaming of that hot transfer coming up to you on the beach this summer, saying “Wow, I didn’t know you were hiding that under there” about your six pack.
Reality:
You have no idea what they did — maybe they got a new oven, but man did the cafeteria improve on their attempt at “pizza.” The whole dad bod craze will probably come back, you told yourself multiple times as you were chowing down on your second cup of ice cream. The year of getting absolutely shredded can wait until next year.
I hope I didn’t depress you too much….if I did, there is hopefully another school year coming up in September where you can fail at your goals again ;).