Recently that sucka mutha fucka Marco Rubio went on KNXO 1460 AM radio in Des Moines, Iowa to take cheap shots at my alma mater, Florida State University. Initially I wasn’t going to post about this, since I tend to get pretty worked up when it comes to people needlessly taking potshots at FSU, and as my BroBible colleagues know this I figured I’d let one of them take the reins on eviscerating Marco Rubio. But then I got to talking about it with them a little bit and realized I just needed to vent, so I hope you bros bear with me as I talk about how fucking stupid Marco Rubio’s stance on FSU is, and how he of all people shouldn’t be taking pot shots at any school.
So as you can see from that image above GOP Senator and US Presidential Candidate Marco Rubio went on Des Moines’ KNXO 1460 AM radio and said the following:
“I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people that can’t get into Florida can go to college. And that’s why we have Florida State.”
You can check out a full SoundCloud of his radio appearance here:
Somehow that piece of trash had the nerve to take shots at FSU for being easy to get into when he COULDN’T EVEN FUCKING GET INTO HIS OWN ALMA MATER BY APPLYING LIKE EVERY OTHER STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA. Did Marco Rubio forget that he had to go to Santa Fe Community College in Gainesville for TWO YEARS to get his Associates Degree before the University of Florida would accept him? That’s the same path to UF taken by every kid I knew growing up who couldn’t even manage to break 1000 on their SAT’s and were rejected by FSU. This dude’s a joke.
Marco Rubio is an alumni of UF and he got his law degree from the University of Miami, FSU’s two biggest rivals. As a degree holder of FSU’s two biggest rivalries he can certainly cast stones at FSU, but as someone who had to go to Santa Fe Community College in order to even get accepted to UF he shouldn’t be taking shots at ANY COLLEGE in America as being easy to get in to. ESPN and every other website on the planet seem to have thus far ignored the fact that Senator Rubio had to go through Santa Fee Community college in order to get into the University of Florida, and subsequently the University of Miami’s Law School after that, but are you really surprised by ESPN refusing to acknowledge something that might somehow make FSU look good?
Now as Marco Rubio received his J.D. (law degree) from the University of Miami I’d just like to point out to that loud-mouthed fuck that Florida State University’s Law School is ranked higher than his alma mater. According to the 2015/2016 Law School Rankings from US News the three Florida schools national rankings are the following: UF at #47, FSU at #50, and Miami at #63. So by all means take shots at FSU for being easier to get into, Mr. Rubio, even though our law school is ranked higher than your alma mater.
Also, on the off chance that Marco Rubio is reading this I’d just like to toss two football related stats:
It has been 2,199 days since the last time the Miami Hurricanes Football Team has beaten the Florida State Seminoles. The last time the ‘Canes beat the Seminoles was 2009.
It has been 1,025 days since the last time the University of Florida Gators beat the Florida State Seminoles in Football.
Now as for Marco Rubio as a political candidate and human being, let’s discuss some things you may or may not know about the U.S. presidential candidate from Florida. Marco Rubio is a GOP candidate from Florida who won his seat in the U.S. Senate primarily from the support of Tea Party voters, which I’m totally cool with as I’m a registered Republican in the state of Florida. His other policies include claiming the legalization and/or decriminalization of marijuana is a bad idea in the United States, so fuck him for taking that stance, because it’s ignorant and as a political leader in America he needs to educate himself (an education he could easily get at Florida State University).
Within the past two weeks Marco Rubio decided he needed to inject his opinions into the ‘Kim Davis Rodeo’ and came out in support of the bigot from Kentucky who is refusing to obey the United States Supreme Court and follow the law. So it’s cool to claim the federal government should be hands off when it comes to gay marriage, but it’s totally not cool to for the federal government to stay hands off when it comes to states legalizing recreational marijuana? On the one hand you’ve got gays getting married, which in NO WAY WHATSOEVER affects anyone’s lives other than the people getting married, and on the other hand you’ve got the legalization of marijuana which has pulled in an additional $76 million in taxes for the state of Colorado alone, AND since the legalization of marijuana highway deaths are at NEAR HISTORIC LOWS. Mr. Rubio, tell me again which one of those two political issues the federal government should get involved in and which one it should stay hands off about?
And last but not least, I thought it would be healthy to speculate on why Marco Rubio felt the need to speak out against FSU. On that topic the current President of Florida State University, John Trasher, had this to say:
“He’s a nice kid,” said FSU President John Thrasher, who served with Rubio in Florida legislature. “I’m sure he’s frustrated by his low standing in the polls, which I believe could be a reflection of where he got his education.”
P.s., I wrote all of this on the fly. So if you came here to attack my credibility based on grammatical errors the joke’s on you because I didn’t edit this at all.