Police Set Up Portable Toilets Outside U-Delaware Frat Party To Book 180 Students For Underage Drinking

Guys, bad news. The Delaware Police have done it. They’ve stopped underage drinking forever. Burn your fake IDs and pick up a good book–I suggest the book How To Have Fun When I’m Not Fucking Hammered: Volume 2–because the fun’s over.

It’s been a police initiative box that has gone unchecked since policing inception, but the heroic men and women of the Delaware PD just delivered a blow that youngsters aged 10-20 simply cannot bounce back from.

One hundred and eighty youths (nice word, dad) were charged with underage drinking at an unofficial fraternity party near the University of Delaware on Saturday, Delaware Online reports.

Newark officers swarmed the small brick house at East Park Place and Haines Street, which had about 200 people milling around the yard, and set up two portable toilets and several folding tables to deal with the paperwork that comes with ticketing that many people.

The party, which took place at the unsanctioned fraternity APES (RIP Harambe), was broken up at 4 pm and was described by 21-year-old student Tommy Flynn as, “just a normal day-drink.” Tommy seems chill as fuck.

Typically, a mass bust of this proportion is the last straw of something more egregious, but neighbors of the students claim that the bros who live in the house are respectful of the neighbors and only throw parties on the weekends.

Oh wait, here. Here it is.

One person was found unresponsive inside the house on Saturday and was taken to Christiana Hospital via ambulance for an alcohol overdose. The person was treated and released, according to police.

One virgin who can’t handle his alcohol poops on everyone’s parade. It’s a story as old as time.

Thoughts and prayers are with future underage college students who can no longer enjoy getting blasted on the weekends, thanks to Delaware PD.

[h/t Delaware Online]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.