6 Very Serious Reasons Why Putting Gyms Inside Airports Is Actually An Incredible Idea

Earlier this week, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy held a press conference at Reagan Washington National Airport to discuss ways to improve the travel experience. Among other things, one suggestion put forth by the Transportation Secretary was putting small gyms inside airports across America.

There was some emphasis on ‘small’ and talk of pull-up bars as the Secretary and others were engaged in some sort of pull-up competition where the winner (fitness influencer Dr. Paul Saladino) maxed out at just 21 pull-ups. FWIW, I did 50 this morning before 5am. I’m not trying to flex on them I just think if they’re standing on a dais preaching the value of pull-ups maybe they should be able to do more than me before I’ve eaten or had my morning coffee when I’m the furthest thing from a beacon of health.

At the conference, Secretary Duffy said “I don’t want you to have a full-body sweat going on till you stink. But if you do a few good pull-ups, get your blood flowing, I think that’s positive. This is not like go to the gym, sweat and get on an airplane.” My dude, I sweat on the couch. In a high-intensity fitness class I’ll lose anywhere from 3-6lbs of water weight. And I’m relatively fit! To think there won’t be people pooling sweat at these gyms… That’s optimistic to say the least.

6 Reasons Why Putting Gyms Inside Airports Is A Great Idea

But you know, there are some distinct benefits to be had from putting gyms inside airports. So I thought I’d lay out six reasons why I personally believe this isn’t some half-cooked idea and might have some merit to it. Key emphasis on might there because it is hard to be serious about something like this… With that in mind, let’s talk about why gyms in airports could be great.

1. An Airport Activity That Doesn’t Involve Drinking

Methinks that Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy has been speaking with Gen Z lately. A poll from earlier this year found 58% of respondents believed regular drinking was detrimental to health. Those numbers were driving in large part by Gen Z who are drinking less than any generation ahead of them.

What does this have to do with the airport? Well, millennials love an airport beer as much as anyone. Boomers show up to the airports drunk already and keep the party rolling. For too long, the only activity to kill time inside an airport is sidling up to the bar and ordering a drink while munching on substandard food.

With gyms inside airports it would give the non-drinking crowd something to do as well as the sober-curious individuals a chance to skip the bar and save $ on flat beer. But let’s be honest, if this all comes to fruition the airports will 100% charge admission fees to the gyms so saving money shouldn’t really be factored into any of this.

2. Exposure To An Array Of Germs Might Have Its Benefits

Putting gyms inside airports means there will be a lot of people, SWEATY people, touching the same metal and plastic surfaces, and if we know anything about gym culture it is that at least 1/3 of gym goers are horrible at wiping down weights/machines and cleaning up after themselves.

I was raised by a mother who was a borderline hypochondriac. Long before masks and wipes in 2020, my mom was traveling with cleaning wipes back in the 90s to wipe down any surface we might come in contact with. Handrails at the airport? Can’t touch those! Escalators? Stand in the middle and do not touch the sides. That’s just the way she was. And you know what? I got sick, a lot, as a kid.

I’m not here to encourage anyone to go out and lick the underside of a seat at the airport or eat sushi using a TSA X-Ray tray as a table. But there are proven downsides to being too hygenic.

A 2022 article from University Hospitals states “exposure to some germs is good for us, says University Hospitals adult and pediatric allergy and immunology specialist Samuel Friedlander, MD. Kids raised in extremely clean environments are more likely to develop allergies, asthma and allergic skin conditions, for instance. That’s because their immune systems aren’t sufficiently primed through exposure to germs and certain infections. Doctors calls this phenomenon the ‘hygiene hypothesis.'”

Asthma you say? That affliction I suffered from throughout childhood that had me hooked up to a nebulizer at least once a week? You don’t say… On second thought, maybe I should be touching more germ-covered surfaces in airports just to bulk up my immune system.

3. A New Way To Claim The Middle Seat Arm Rests

If we put tiny gyms inside airports it unlocks a new way to claim the armrest. Hear me out because this can play out in several of ways. The first is by coincidence th person sitting next to you sees you at the gym, recognizes you as the stronger, larger, more powerful individual, and when you eventually get to your seats on the plane and they are in the middle seat they have no choice but to keep their arms folded across their chest because they know your biceps and forearms cannot be contained in the A or C seats, they need that B armrest.

The other is psychological domination through a vascular pump. When the person sitting in the middle sees your forearms and biceps bulging with veins about to pop because you went hard at the gym they know that arm rest is yours. It is game over before they even put their bag in the overhead bin.

4. This Is Going To Be So Great For Brands, You Guys!

I think we can all agree that if there is one thing in life we should be focusing on more it is ensuring that brands are able to pepper us with more ads. How can we ever know who we truly are or what we want in life unless we go through each waking hour of our time on this planet facing an onslaught of advertisements from brands telling us what to eat, wear, think, and how to live our lives?!

Advertising in the Fitness industry represents over a billion dollars in spend each year. The spend from the Health industry dwarfs that. And thankfully, if we put gyms in airports we give these massive multi-national corporations another space to target us with hyper-specific ads on what to buy, wear, think, eat, and where to live and travel. This will be great!

5. A Safe Space To Remind Everyone You’re The Baddest Dude Around

Long before The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists was published by Neil Strauss back in 2005 leading to millions of guys in clubs trying to one up each other to pick up chicks, the idea of standing out amongst the herd was observed by Charles Darwin. There is no origin to the phrase ‘peacocking’ but we can basically attribute it to Chucky Darwin and what he observed in the Galapagos Islands.

Flash forward 190 years in the future from Darwin’s time in the Galapagos and guys are still looking for, and in desperate need of, ways to stand out from other guys. Some dudes get stupid haircuts or rock ridiculous facial hair. There are guys who pick up the guitar in middle school and make that their personality for life.

Then there are the gym bros who spend 5-7 days a week lifting weights, initially because they thought it would help them in the dating pool, only to realize it was actually the adoration and respect from their fellow gym bros that they craved all along. Am I one of those guys? Perhaps, but I didn’t realize it until late in life. This is what I look like these days after losing weight this year.

Tangentially related to the gym bros are the ultra-marathoners, the tri athletes, Hyrox, CrossFit, Spartan competitors, all of that stuff. It is a world where people eventually realize what separates them from the pack is they thrive on doing things that are too hard for the masses. If it isn’t challenging, it isn’t worth doing. And on some level, they need the world to know that.

With gyms in airports there is suddenly a billboard flashing overhead with the words ‘I Work Harder.’ Are those words true? Probably not. ‘Work’ is entirely subjective and every person on this planet is fighting their own battle that we can’t see. But that’s what the flashing billboard overhead at the gym signals… These airport gym rats are willing to push themselves further than the plebeians out in the food court waiting to board their flights to Nowhere USA….

6. Actually, Inhaling Someone Else’s Body Odor Is Good For America

With the birth rate epidemic in America, body odor overtaking airports and the tiny metal tubes we get packed into like sardines after boarding planes just might be the answer. The fertility rate in America has fallen from 3.5 kids/household in the early 1960s to an all-time low of 1.6 children/household in 2024.

Solution? Releasing more pheromones into the air through body odor and sweat inside of airports to attract mates.

Opposites attract? No.Two stinky individuals who just got a pump on at the DFW Airport Gym find true love in each other’s stench, inhaling those noxious pheromones and accepting that they’ve finally found true love in the eyes of another who was willing to risk do 50 pull-ups on a bar that hasn’t been cleaned since it was installed. Together, they can help stave off the birth rate epidemic that threatens to consume our country in the decades ahead.

Do you agree that putting gyms inside airports are a great idea? Of course, you do. That’s why you read this far. Let us know in the Facebook comments all the reasons you think this is a brilliant idea.