Footage Of ‘Anti-Mask Activists’ In Florida Is Here To Crush Your Soul

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The best part of my day Sunday was stumbling across a tweet that read:

Zero COVID deaths for the first time in four months in a city that is essentially a public pool with 8.3 million people pissing in it. This is encouraging; good, even.

But Newton’s third law don’t play, and every New York has an equal and opposite Florida.

We’ve all given Florida a little more moral wiggle room, as it is America’s mistake, but the news coming out of the Sunshine and Methamphetamine State this week is beyond the pale.

Florida, which reported a record increase of more than 15,000 new cases of COVID-19 in 24 hours on Sunday, has conditioned itself to believe that the disease that has claimed the lives of 137,000 Americans is nothing more than Hogwash. Rubbish. Hearsay. Tomfoolery.

Groundswells of what Reuters is referring to as “ANTI-MASK ACTIVISTS” have begun infiltrating America’s last great bastion of hope: grilled cheese bars.


Maybe this is just a small faction of loonies and safer heads will preva—

*Taps Florida Disney on shoulder*

It is with great sadness that I announce that, for the longevity of this great nation, it is time.

P.S. Someone give this guy directions to the White House, I’m pretty sure he thinks he just became Trump’s Chief of Staff.

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“How many people have you had sex with including yourself?” 

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.