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Today is April 1st, which means I rolled out of bed this morning and did what I do every time a new month rolls around: blast some Bone Thugs-N-Harmony on repeat.
A tradition unlike any other.
Once that was out of the way, I began my daily journey around the internet to help bring you the content you crave and came across a disproportionate number of stories that seem too weird to be true before realizing the reason why: it’s April Fools’ Day.
Shit.
It’s virtually impossible to navigate the internet on April Fools’ Day without getting Fake Newsed at some point, and while I enjoy a good goof every now and then, there’s only so many pranks I can take before I start to go insane.
As a result, I’ve decided to do everyone a solid by rounding up a bunch of April Fools’ Day stunts so you don’t look like an idiot for earnestly sharing a link to a fake story.
You can thank me later.
McDonald’s won’t be selling milkshakes as a condiment even though they totally should
FINALLY! 🙌 pic.twitter.com/v89REJTLXi
— McDonald's UK (@McDonaldsUK) March 31, 2019
The BBC isn’t letting people skip through sex scenes
Introducing @BBCiPlayer’s #SkipTheSex button.
For those mortifying moments when a surprise 🍆 or 🍑 makes you 😳… pic.twitter.com/eM9rQ6LNFi
— BBC iPlayer (@BBCiPlayer) April 1, 2019
Google hasn’t invented a talking flower (at least not yet)
Roku hasn’t invented a remote your dog can use
Petco isn’t doing weddings now
Leopard print koalas don’t exist
It’s a little-known fact that some #koala joeys are born with leopard print fur 🐨
We don’t yet know why only certain joeys are blessed with such incredible fashion sense, but we’re sure little April here is the envy of her friends. #seeaustralia #wildlife #australia pic.twitter.com/FJUDwdRk9E
— Australia (@Australia) March 31, 2019
Honda isn’t selling a car that people would definitely buy if given the chance
https://youtu.be/kZ5oRIXCFlM
Timex isn’t adding a 25th hour to the day
Tinder isn’t actually making people verify their height (and short dudes everywhere breathed a sigh of relief)
Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon.
Read more about it here: https://t.co/8MER0L1U6W pic.twitter.com/hZ507zSoic— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019
REEF (sadly) isn’t making a fanny pack for your sandals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLvVO0znans
Bear Grylls is not going to space with a bunch of kids
50 years after Scouts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon, we’re announcing the first-ever Scout Camp in outer space!
Led by Chief Ambassador Bear Grylls, 12 Explorer Scouts will be ready for liftoff in April 1, 2021. 🚀 https://t.co/cXd1BaTigz
— World Scouting (@worldscouting) April 1, 2019
SodaStream isn’t letting you carbonate water by burping
https://youtu.be/NCcX6EL9GMY
Mr. Potato Head isn’t getting replaced by an avocado
Holy guacamole! We’ve given Mr. Potato Head the sack and we're introducing his new hipster companion, Mr Avo Head! pic.twitter.com/Y9aRITCTd7
— Hasbro (@Hasbro) April 1, 2019
Of course, these are just some of the many pranks making their way around the internet today so remember: if it sounds too good (or too dumb) to be true, it probably is.