Everybody lies one way or another on the internet. Whether it’s pretending to care about someone’s birthday on Facebook when you haven’t seen that person in real life since middle school or responding with “LOL” to terrible group chat when in actuality you rolled your eyes at Emily’s lame joke or flat-out lying about your stockbroker experience on LinkedIn. One place where on the internet where lying is elevated to an art form is dating apps. Tinder wants to eliminate one kind of lying by launching a new “height verification” feature. Or so they say.
Tinder announced their new height verification feature on Friday afternoon with a video. “Introducing Tinder’s Height Verification Badge (HVB), because yes — sometimes it matters,” a blog post says. “The thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted.” Who “definitely always wanted” this feature? I think women would be more interested in a “bank account verification” or a “has a steady job verification.”
The blog post asks, “Did it ever occur to you that honesty is what separates humans from sinister monsters?” Tinder notes that only “14.5 percent of the U.S. male population is actually 6’ and beyond. We’re bringing truthfulness back into the world of online dating.”
Short guys when they can’t lie about their height anymore.
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This definitely comes off as peak heightism by some height supremacists who run Tinder. Will there also be weight verification? Will there also be “no using old photos verification” or how about “no filter verification.”
“It’s the tool we’ve had in our back-pockets for years, but we were hoping your honesty would allow us to keep it there,” Tinder says. “Our verification tool is super easy to use, and extremely hard to misuse.”
To get your height verified, you’ll need to take a photo of yourself standing next to any commercial building. “We’ll do some state-of-the-art verifying and you’ll receive your badge directly on your profile,” the blog states.
Every 5’7″ dude when they take their height verification photo.
However, is everything as it seems? Look at Monday’s date. April 1, 2019. This could all very well be an elaborate April Fool’s Day prank that was released days early to throw you off.
Another reason to believe that Tinder’s Height Verification Badge is an April Fool’s prank is that the feature doesn’t understand how height works. How does it go from 5’9″ to 6″? Is that a joke? This is totally an April Fool’s Day prank.