Fire. The wheel. Electricity. Guy Fieri.
Once in a great while, mankind discovers something that changes the course of civilization as we know it and ushers in a new era unlike anything humanity has seen before.
I don’t want to get too ahead of myself here but I think we might have found another one in the form of canned wine.
Yes. Canned wine.
A few years ago, drinking wine out of a can was reserved for fueling the terrible decisions of the terrible people on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. While sipping vino from a repurposed soda can might still be frowned upon, if that’s your vehicle of choice, you’re in luck.
Canned wines have been popping up like prairie dogs in stores around my neighborhood, and as someone who generally tries to avoid drinking an entire bottle in one sitting, these are exactly what I needed in my life.
With that said, I recently drank the equivalent of an entire bottle in one sitting by undertaking the laborious task of rounding up as many canned wines as I could find and proceeded to try each and every one of them in the name of research.
Before we dive into canned wine, I should let you know that I’m not a wine expert by any means. However, I did have Somm on in the background when I was tasting these so I’m basically halfway to getting my certification.
In the immortal words of the referee from Celebrity Deathmatch: Let’s get it on!
The Sonoma County-based Mancan is available in four different varieties, all of which have an adorable dog on the label. I did what I could to make sure that didn’t sway my opinion too much.
A mix of Viognier and Chardonnay, Mancan’s full-bodied white wine is on the drier side with notes of melon and vanilla. It is a bit sweet but that didn’t make it any less drinkable.
If you can’t tell, this is the same as the white. But fizzy. The bubbles do add a little bit of a kick, and while it’s not necessarily champagne, it’s not the worst substitute in the world.
I’m a big rosé guy. I mean a BIG rosé guy, so I’m particularly picky about the ones I drink.
Mancan’s rosé is made from Chardonnay and Zinfandel that results in a huge pop of watermelon, some apple, and a little bit of strawberry. It’s also incredibly smooth to a point where you have to be conscious of how quickly you’re drinking it or risk crushing disappointment when you realize it’s gone.
A blend of Merlot and Zinfandel, this style is fairly full-bodied but it’s still very sippable. It’s got a ton of berry flavor as well as pomegranate, which is an A+ combination.
Drop Wine comes in three varieties, all of which have a light spritz added that makes them fairly (but pleasantly) effervescent. The cans are also a perfect size, with each one containing the equivalent of 1.5 glasses.
Drop Wine’s white is a Sauvignon Blanc mixed with Malvasia Bianca grapes that’s drier than most of the ones on this list. It’s got some pear and tangerine with a tinge of melon that vibe together as well as the Hanson Brothers.
This blend of a few rosés is dry, light and hits you in the mouth with a bunch of fruitiness. It goes down a bit too easy, so in the immortal words of Billy Madison: CHERISH IT!
A Zinfandel Blend with Syrah and Petite Sirah is just the right amount of sweet, like a kid trying to convince his mom to let his friend sleep over. It seemed less bubbly than the other two but still had a good amount of fizz.
Anyday Rosé is a bit of an outlier compared to the rest of the wines on this list as it’s technically not a wine. 85% of the precious nectar is cider and 15% is California rosé.
Oh, it’s also hopped with Cascade and Citra because if Emeril taught us anything it’s that you should always kick it up a notch.
Anyday Rosé is super bubbly and fairly dry with the cider making it pleasantly sweet. I didn’t make it all the way through many of these cans but, much like so many 27-year-old musicians, this one was gone too soon.
Underwood is an O.G.— the Dr. Dre of canned wine, if you will. I got my first taste a while ago after picking up a couple of cans on a whim to drink while watching House of Cards and we became fast friends.
Underwood offers a few varieties and I was able to get my hands on a couple of them.
Underwood’s rosé is smooth and fruity predominantly featuring strawberry and peach that has always been there when I need it most. Thank you, old friend.
This is another old-time acquaintance, and while it’s not the most complex wine on the list, it still gets the job done thanks to berry and chocolate notes that evoke an Edible Arrangement.
House Wine Rosé
House wine is generally a pretty cheap bottle you pull out for guests you don’t necessarily care about but this interpretation is a step above that.
House Wine Rosé is peachy and dry, sort of like those sour rings you can get for 50 cents at any deli only noticeably less tart.
Bridge Lane Rosé
Like Billy Joel, Bridge Lane rosé is a Long Island export with a lot going on. The Cabernet Franc base It’s on the acidic side with notes of guava, strawberry, watermelon, sour cherry.
Essentially Geared Rosé
Essentially Geared rosé claims to taste like pink Starbursts, which are scientifically proven to be the best Starbursts. The wine lives up to the claim which should tell you how delicious it is.
Cycle Gladiator Pinot Noir
I know you shouldn’t judge a wine by its label but this one drew me in— the Death Star to my Millenium Falcon.
Thankfully, it lived up to expectations.
A blend of Cabernet Franc, Syrah, and Pinot Noir, it’s an earthy red that starts with cherry before fading to a bit of vanilla. I know you’re only supposed to drink rosé all day but I could probably do the same with this.
Brick & Mortar Rouge
Rouge, if you can’t guess by the name, is a fairly oaky, plum-forward red blend of Cabernet Franc, Syrah and Pinot Noir and an all-around great wine.
That’s about all we’ve got for now but remember: don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.