How Celebrity Anti-Vaxxers May Respond To The Search For A COVID-19 Vaccine

Many members of the Anti-Vaxxer movement have begun rethinking their beliefs in light of the COVID-19 pandemic, but a celebrity constituent must budge in order for there to be a widespread shift in the ideology.

Let’s check in with some of the most famous Anti-Vaxxers to see how they might respond to finding a vaccine in unprecedented times.

JENNY MCCARTHY

“Many consider me ‘The Face of the Anti-Vaxxer Movement,’ and it’s just an incredible honor to finally be known for my face.

I learned on the set of BASEketball that vaccines cause autism, so while people are dying from this pandemic, I think we can all agree that being on a ventilator is much better than being on the spectrum. 

Nonetheless, this is a trying time, and we all must stick together, much like the pages of every single edition of my 1993 Playboy spread.”

JIM CARREY

“A vaccination for a disease is like reprising my role in Dumb and Dumber To: the idea may sound good but does the world really need it?

I myself have been wearing a mask—not for protection against a virus but in hopes that it allows me to hook up with Cameron Diaz again.”

ROB SCHNEIDER

“I am an anti-vaxxer because I committed long ago to only believing news that is as real as my teeth.

The world does not need a vaccine, it just needs another Grown Ups installment just to remind the public that being dead wouldn’t be so bad.”

ALICIA SILVERSTONE

“Aside from my anti-vaccine stance, I am also a vegan and was voted ‘Sexiest Female Vegetarian’ by PETA. I really wanted my child to see me accept the award, but he died of a common cold.” 

“It’s a damn shame I haven’t yet won an Oscar though, seeing as I’ve been in character for Clueless for 25 years.” 

CHARLIE SHEEN

“I’ve been around the block one too many times to dispute that there isn’t a disease or ailment in existence that a man can’t fuck out of his system.

Pro Tip: It’s nearly impossible to breathe in harmful toxins if both of your nostrils are clogged with blow.”

ROBERT DENIRO

“As a 76-year-old, the media may want you to believe I’m in the ‘high risk’ demographic. But no one is at greater risk than my assistant, who I am currently suing for $6 million for complaining about me using her as a human foot stool.

A vaccine is not what the public needs. Instead the government needs to extend the stay-at-home orders into June to give people time to finish The Irishman.”

M.I.A.

I can’t top that.