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I’m getting to that age where an extended weekend afternoon trip to Costco sounds more appetizing than a night out drinking alcoholic beverages and getting laughed at by the opposite sex. Yes, I also call jeans ‘dungarees’ and and wear velcro shoes, who’s askin’?
I wouldn’t feel so comfortable sharing this with you, a stranger, if Costco wasn’t the one-stop shop for total happiness. Hey, you want these piping hot, fresh pigs in a blanket from a smiley elderly woman who reminds you of your grandmother, but only alive? Costco. Have you been searching for a store that carries a brand that produces everything from dress shirts to grapes? Kirkland Signature. Where? Costco. How about a really slick hot dog and an ice cold coke on the way out for $1.50 (the same price since 1985)? Fuck it, why not!
Arguably the king of Costco’s endless offerings may be the pizza in its food courts. As Business Insider points out, warehouse club is sneakily the 14th largest pizza chain in the US and offers a massive 18-inch, 12 slice pie for $9.95 (the price hasn’t changed since 1989). Yes, a whole pie for less than the price of a sans-guac Chipotle burrito.
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A single slice goes for $1.99, or the price of your mother for a night. I’m just kidding, bro. No hard feelings.
Anyhoo, on top of the price, three Costco employees told Business Insider that a whole cheese pizza pie contains over a pound of “aged, buttery” cheese–80%of which is “part-skim-milk” mozzarella and the other 20% is “10 month-aged shredded parmesan.”
A whole Costco pizza hovers around 7,000 to 8,000 calories per pie, but we all gotta die someday amiright.
Check out more Costco truths over at Business Insider…