Using Booze And Chicken Nuggets Man Brilliantly Parodies Girlfriend’s Motivational Instagram

by 3 years ago

You’ve seen the fitness/motivational/healthy-eating Instagram accounts by women. They’re inundated with photos of bright Lululemon workout outfits, acai bowls, painful-looking yoga poses, and graphics of inspirational quotes. It’s one thing to check your Instagram and occasionally be transported to this foreign world, but imagine having to take all of those photos? That is the duty of Edward Lane, who generously snaps photos of his girlfriend’s healthy lifestyle for her inspiring Instagram. After taking many photos for her account, he decided to give it a whirl. But instead of Fit Tea advertisements, kombucha, and avocado smoothies, our friend Edward here features booze, chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers, and marker-drawn abs in his inspiring Instagram photos.

“Literally hundreds of people were double-tapping a picture of my girlfriend eating salad – it made absolutely no sense to me. But most of all it cracked me up,” Lane said.

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🍆15 FACTS ABOUT ME🍆 . 1️⃣ Much like a dog, I can't look up. 2️⃣ Wellness Ted in Chinese is Shi Sa Bao Ted – which doesn't make a lick of sense. 3️⃣ I ran a marathon in 1h 59m yesterday but you don't see me making a big song and dance about it 4️⃣ My favourite number is 69 5️⃣ I can hold my breath for 8minutes 6️⃣ The account @wellness_ed is a cheap parody of mine and must be stopped 7️⃣ I cooked the chicken nuggets that Usain Bolt ate before he won Olympic gold 8️⃣ My favourite film is White Chicks 9️⃣ I invented avocado on toast. You're welcome 🔟 My abs were not made in the kitchen. They were made at Dollar Chicken (#spon) 1️⃣1️⃣ When you start typing #spon the first one that comes up is #spongebobmemes. What's that all about? 1️⃣2️⃣ I like big butts and I cannot lie (OK, that's two things about me, but whatever) 1️⃣3️⃣ My favourite machine in the gym is the vending machine 1️⃣4️⃣ I haven't eaten gluten. Ever. Like. Never. And look at this body. Case and point. 1️⃣5️⃣ Last week I recorded a fart of 87 decibels – equivalent to the sound of a dirt bike travelling at 55mph 💨 . I tag in my good friends @davidbeckham @mileycyrus @beyonce and @madonna to share a little bit more about themselves. Thanks for reading everyone!

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"Fame for me is not external, it's internal. So I've been famous for a long time" – @ladygaga. . . Some of you may have noticed my perfectly contoured face pop up across the World Wide Web yesterday. It seems the penny has dropped and the importance of a nugget-based diet, beer-filled hydration plan and health enhancing facts backed up by rigorous research from Sesh University is finally getting the international acclaim it deserves. . . And that's what's coming. The fame won't change my mission. I'm the same today as I was yesterday. So to my new followers/family welcome. And to my day-ones, thank you – I couldn't have done it without you. I hope I can call on all your support as I try and change the #wellness world one aspirational abs shot at a time. Feeling #hashtagblessed today! . . Now to celebrate with my favourite balanced breakfast combo🍗🍺

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6PACK SECRETS // While so-called experts would have you believe this kind of transformation takes months I've got some good news – it takes 30secs. Sure transformation plans promise better health, but when you're thirsty for likes, followers and – let's be honest – your first #spon post, the sooner those abs pop on screen the better. Well, allow me to share the insider secrets I've learnt since becoming the 'grams hot new #microinfluencer (don't say I'm not good to you 😉). The trick is to spend hours and hours taking selfies, working out the exact angle and filter (Clarendon, duh!) that best defines your 6-pack. Swap from a T-shirt to sports bra to fool others into thinking you've been in the gym. Finally tense so hard that you may or may not fart and take the snap. Post it and watch the praise come in. Because what's the point getting your body out of strangers on the internet can't tell you how pretty you look, right? And today I'm feeling pretty! Try it and tag me in so we can all support each other on our own journey.

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Edward, who spent 18 months behind the camera as “Chief Photographer or Despondent Instagram Husband” to his girlfriend Amy Hopkinson, dispenses unique workout regimens.

But Ed doesn’t just offer inspiration, he provides important diet ideas and meal-planning for those serious about living healthy, but also love chicken nuggs and cheeseburgers.

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When hangovers and #mealprep have a beautiful baby…

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PROGRESS // I'm so proud to show you how far I've come this year – 2017 has been a #wellness whirlwind, but I've managed to keep my feet on the ground and strive everyday to be the best version of myself while pursuing my passions. Cheese-covered or otherwise! This progress has all been made possible through rigorous face yoga sessions, regular foam rolling of my jaw to work on my mobility, as well as harnessing the power of positive mantras (difficult to say with a mouthful of @mcdonalds!) It's posts like these that I try to show you past all the glamour of six-pack abs and perfect pink activewear, and a glimpse of all the hard work that goes into healthy living. Perseverance pays off for everyone, and if I can do it, so can you!

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He offers a refreshing take on avocado toast, a staple of the healthy-living lifestyle.

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GET SERIOUS // Your nutrition plan is no laughing matter. And all good prep should be done with a straight face. Seriously. Not even a smirk. If you're too busy having fun how else would you know that CRUSHING your avocado, rather than the outmoded smashing technique, is a new way to ensure your food is pre-chewed when it enters your mouth, increasing the bioavailability of all the vitamins and minerals in everyone's favourite #wellness ingredient – helping with everything from healthy #weightloss to disease prevention. Compound this with the effects of dropping it from a height and this superfood just got super-er. Health is a steep learning curve, not a game. If just one of you walks away from here and begins preparing their avocado like this I will have done my job, spreading cutting edge science to the masses. #yourewelcomeworld

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There’s also words of wisdom.

[Mirror]

Paul Sacca has written on a myriad of topics ranging from breaking news to movies to technology to men's interests for nearly a decade. His articles have been cited in numerous media powerhouses such as USA Today, New York Daily News, New York Post, CNN, Sports Illustrated, Huffington Post, Deadspin, and The Big Lead.

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