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There’s horrible, deplorable parenting… and then there’s what 29-year-old Benny Garcia of Holyoke, Massachusetts has done.
According to NBC News, Garcia was arrested on Thursday, November 14, after his unnamed five-year-old son brought a bag of cocaine to Lawrence Elementary School. Luckily, authorities don’t believe that the boy digested any of the narcotics, as he was unharmed.
When the boy showed the cocaine to the teacher he said he puts the powder in his mouth and it makes him “feel like Spider-Man,” Albert said. The baggie was stamped with images of Spider-Man. The teacher notified the school’s principal who immediately called the police.
Police called an ambulance and brought the boy to the hospital as a precaution, even though the drugs were sealed. Authorities said they don’t believe the boy ingested the cocaine.
Holyoke cops also went to the boy’s home, where they found his father, Benny Garcia, asleep with 38 bags of cocaine and 70 bags of heroin in the house. Garcia had an outstanding warrant for narcotics, and is now facing additional charges.
Police said another child, an infant, lived in Garcia’s home with their mother, but both kids have been taken into child services.
Of all the superheroes to name-drop when referencing cocaine, you gotta figure that Spider-Man has the worst connotation.
If he’d said he feels like Batman or Iron Man, he’d obviously be suggesting that he feels like a swanky, uber-rich playboy with a recreational cocaine habit — a totally likely scenario for a man like Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark. Or if he said he feels like Superman or the Hulk, it’d be clear he means that he feels some sort of super-strength coursing through his body, as cocaine has been famed to do.
But because the boy said it makes him feel like Spider-Man, that implies that it wasn’t very good stuff, as it makes him feels like he wants to crawl up the wall, which seems very Tyrone Biggums-esque if you ask me. If you were to ask a coke head how they want their drug of choice to make them feel, I’d imagine that “crawling up the wall” would be towards the bottom of their list.
Who knows, with his scumbag father likely going to prison for a very long time, maybe the five-year-old gets adopted by a billionaire family, thus creating the beginning of his own superhero origin story.
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Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Contact him on Twitter @eric_ital or via email eric@brobible.com