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Valentine’s Day means different things to different people. For some, it’s a day to take a moment to appreciate the special ones in your life. For others, it’s an occasion to remember the lives that were lost on that fateful day on the North Side of Chicago in 1929.
For many single people, February 14th is also a day of mourning instead of one of celebration and many of them will opt to spend the holiday in a pit of self-loathing while trying to avoid pictures of happy couples on Instagram.
However, as a man named Stephen Bonser proved last night, you don’t have to have a date on Valentine’s Day to have a little bit of fun.
On Thursday, Bonser asked his Twitter followers what would happen if he got a table for two at an Outback Steakhouse for Valentine’s Day and acted like he got stood up.
if I went to Outback Steakhouse by myself tonight and asked for a table for 2, then got progressively sadder as the night went on alone, do you think they’d give me my steak for free?
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 14, 2019
While I personally would have conducted this experiment at a Texas Roadhouse, Bonser suited up and headed to his nearest Outback—where there was a 45-minute wait for a table because everyone who knows anything knows Bloomin’ Onions are nature’s aphrodisiac.
in case you were wondering whether I’m taking this seriously…
y’all. i wore a suit jacket. pic.twitter.com/Xlae1xXQxi
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
From there, the game was afoot.
i just pretended to leave a voicemail saying “I’m here, let me know when you’re on your way” as my waiter walked by
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
when I parked, I took the jumper cables in my trunk out of the bag they came in and stuff some shoebox paper I had in the backseat into it to make it look like a bought a present
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
i mean there can’t be a sadder image than a guy in a suit
at Outback Steakhouse
alone
on Valentine’s Day
sitting across from an untouched decanter of white wine.
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
it’s 9:45. the kitchen closes in 15 minutes. i’m going to wait until my waiter comes by and i’m gonna finish the wine in one swig from the decanter – no glass necessary
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
aaaaaaaand it’s gone pic.twitter.com/6NUoT9k9SS
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
the waiter just talked to the bartender. i’m sitting in a booth at the bar and every single person within eye range has glanced at me at some point during the evening.
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
the menu is gone but my forlorn lover lives on in the form of water, silverware, and a lone plate.
i have named her Katherine. pic.twitter.com/rnTYJrGnPH
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
steak’s here. blue cheese crumbles melted on top. restaurant’s closed. how long can I stare into the distance before taking a bite? pic.twitter.com/w7bhvIAyne
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
UPDATE: a couple at the bar paid for my meal for me.
this mission?
SUCCESSFUL.
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
Bonser—who donated the amount he would have spent on his meal to the ACLU— spoke with the Washington Post after his escapade to provide more insight into the masterful caper:
His sister egged him on, telling him that she would pay for his meal on Thursday if the restaurant didn’t. Three hours later, Bonser was waiting by the host stand at the Outback Steakhouse in Arlington, dressed in a fresh blazer and button-down shirt and carrying a poorly wrapped present.
“I figured that I’m getting a free steak either way,” he told The Washington Post later that night. “It would be fiscally irresponsible not to do it.”
That right there is a man who has his priorities in order.