Twitter / @SimonHolland
“Is Santa real?” the 10-year-old asks.
We’re at the dinner table with my parents and his little sister.
My parents stayed quiet, but I could feel them both staring at me with a “Whelp, good luck with this” look.
I wanted to tell him the truth because his mom and myself spend every day explaining how we hate when he lies, but I needed to lie because his little sister, age 7, is sitting to my left and hanging on my response.
“Of course he’s real. Where else would the gifts come from?”
“You and mom buy them for us.”
“How the heck would me and your mom have time to buy all those gifts? We both work and take care of the two of you all day.”
I wanted the kid who witnesses Amazon boxes piling up in his mom’s house, and mine, to believe gift purchasing is near impossible.
The answer seemed to be good enough, and someone, I want to say it was my mom, changed the subject.
Santa left a note under the tree for me one Christmas, explaining he was getting really busy with other boys and girls worldwide, and my parents would be taking over buying the gifts. The letter was so obviously my mom’s handwriting, and I already knew the Santa charade.
I’m sure my son was told by friends that Santa is bull.
I don’t remember how I came to that conclusion. I think eventually, a kid’s brain uses logic and realizes a man traveling around the world to deliver toys to every child is just impossible.
Not to mention the guy slips in and out of every house without getting caught.
I’ll tell him eventually, away from his sister’s ears, that Santa is just a fun thing and Christmas and to help keep up the charade for as long as his sister still believes.
And if he doesn’t, there’s an Amazon box filled with coal with his name on the label.
Here are the funniest tweets and memes from dads this week.
https://twitter.com/CrockettForReal/status/1339972827475189760
My 4 year old said he was carsick so I dumped the groceries from a plastic bag & passed it back to him with instructions to "throw up inside it." I heard him throw up & looked back to see that he'd put the bag on over his head like a helmet, so the puke fell right out the bottom.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 17, 2020
Watched Hamilton with my kids—in pieces over a few weeks. When it finished, my 6-year-old said, “Well, there’s definitely going to be a second one.”
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) December 18, 2020
Parenting during home school is tricky.
Now I have to ask, "Is anybody in a Zoom call?" before I yell at my kids.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2020
My kids could be murdering someone and my wife would still justify it by saying, “Well at least they’re getting along.”
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 18, 2020
Today my 13 yo son asked for help with “relative dating” and I freaked out for a bit. Then he explained it was carbon dating for science.
Had to tell him that words matter, little dude. Careful how you phrase things.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) December 15, 2020
https://www.instagram.com/p/CI6b_G4pfzg/
What’s the best way to tell a rival dad you got his Christmas card and they didn’t need that apostrophe with the ‘s’ at the end of their last name?
If you answered, “in front of his family” you are correct.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 16, 2020
C’mon, Hallmark! Where’s “A Quarantine Christmas?”
You’ve had 8 months. It practically writes itself. (Ideas below)— Dad Bits (@DadBits) December 18, 2020
Kids talking at bedtime are like the marketing emails which you’ve unsubscribed to multiple times
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 18, 2020
Nobody:
The US Government: pic.twitter.com/4W7J8e0dxA
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) December 17, 2020
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