Shutterstock
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a nice whiff of Liquid Ass, my apologies. No amount of therapy can remedy that Post Traumatic Shit Disorder. If you have never inhaled Liquid Ass, it smells like a mix of Chris Christie’s undies after a 10K and Satan’s breath. It truly is dangerous. Nauseating. Repulsive. I highly suggest you never buy a bottle on Amazon, but if you’re a masochist, pick up a 1 fl oz. bottle for under $9.
Amazon
One horrible girlfriend’s story about her experience with Liquid Ass should tell you all you need to know about its powers. Mind you, this review was directly above a review that read, “This stuff was good enough to get me suspended from school.. that’ll be enough to tell you how it smells.”
Amazon
This stuff litterally smells like ass. Bad Ass. Horrible Ass. You need to go to the doctor Ass. Tried it out last night on my boyfriend. Here is a summary of my night:
5pm: Boyfriend on laptop in livingroom. He had been there for hours, so I decided it was time for him to get up.
5:05pm: Sprayed Liquid Ass three times on a sweater in the other room, then nonchalantly dropped it in the livingroom, about ten feet away from the boyfriend,
5:06pm: Boyfriend asks if I forgot to turn the bathroom fan on.
5:08pm: Boyfriend comments on how stinky the cats poop is.
5:15pm: Boyfriend, with his shirt covering his nose, scoops all three cat boxes in hopes of eliminating the wretched stench.
5:45pm: Boyfriend goes on a mad hunt, insisting that the cats must have crapped somewhere in the house. By this time, the smell has engulfed the appartment (a small two bedroom.) He picks up every piece of laundry on the floor, throws the bathroom mats in the washing machine and finds a face mask and gloves to put on. (I am a nurse and keep some supplies at home.)
6:25pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced the cats must have stepped in poo and tracked it all over the house. After smelling all four of the cats, he decides the cats must have cleaned themselves by now, At this point, after seeing all of the good this spray had done, I sprayed it thrice more; once in each bedroom and once in the livingroom.
6:30pm: Boyfriend sweeps and mops all of the tiled floors, sprinkles baking soda over the carpet and vacuums the entire place. Durring this time, I make sure my bottle is hidden really well. I can’t afford to get caught on this one.
7:30pm: Boyfriend becomes convinced there must be spoiled food somewhere. He takes out the trash and loads the dishwasher.
11pm: While finishing up the laundry, Boyfriend discovered the sweater. He decides the cat must have wiped his paws on it and says we need to make an appointment with the vet because the smell is concerning.I will be using this spray about once a month for the rest of my life. Thank you, Liquid Ass. Thank you
Liquid Ass. Not even once.
[protected-iframe id=”c113a390e2ae4b3759d5b5e9d9551334-97886205-37946113″ info=”https://giphy.com/embed/3og0IUgjrywZylOjoA” width=”480″ height=”243″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
[h/t Some eCards]