ABC Composite
FAMOUS HOT GIRL PUBLIC RELATIONS MASTERCLASS:
(For all intents and purposes, we will use current Bachelorette Clare Crawley as our subject).
Step 1: Be Hot.
- Hottness is no longer determined by genetic disposition, it can be achieved through hard work, money, and the magical hands of famed Hollywood plastic surgeon Dr. Richard Fleming. There is a reason why Khloe Kardashian looks like she’s going into witness protection every three months and Mickey Rourke looks like he’s skydiving standing up.
Step 2: Be Relatable.
- You are not truly a beauty influencer until you admit that you were a total dog in high school, the only time in your life you ever needed to utilize your personality.
“I didn’t have the greatest high school experience either, to be honest,” Crawley said to contestant Chasen Nick, as they discussed past experiences.
“I never went to prom,” she continued. “Nobody ever asked me. Nobody even knew who I was in high school. I was just invisible, I think. I felt invisible.”
Step 3: Abandon Your Ugly Friends Who Loved You Before They Had Something To Gain.
- Sure, they may have been loyal and grounded and compassionate, but ugly is contagious and studies show that one water buffalo in an Instagram photo can reduce engagement by as much as 30 percent.
Step 4: Be Silly!
Hey, those aren’t your real lips!
This is totally something I would do! Do you smell the toilet paper for no less than five seconds after you wipe too? SAMESIES!
Step 5: Be Steadfast In Your Convictions, Despite Conflicting Evidence
Clare, Clare, Clare.
The internet is an omniscient entity. You should have been briefed on this.
Also, people have eyes. Take it from a guy who went to senior prom with his mom’s friend’s daughter out of sheer necessity. If you were available, I would have gouged out my eyes for a lock of your hair.
Don’t pretend like your high school’s Steven Glansberg wouldn’t do the same.
We were born at night, Clare. But not last night.
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Good luck out there ladies. And don’t forget to use promo code: HOTGRL for 20% of bubble gut teas!