The Response To Kellyanne Conway’s Brand New Face Proves Savagery Knows No Political Affiliation

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Do you remember when people just died with the same face they were born with? Lol, how did humanity survive such a dystopian world free of botox and fillers and vagina excrement face cream sold by Gwyneth Paltrow?

Yes, cancer still kills 600,000 people a year and our best answer for safe sex is strapping a balloon on your johnson, but the cosmetic surgeons on TLC’s Botched can turn you from reprehensible to protein-tea-selling-influencer in the time it takes you to say ‘Is that really Khloe Kardashian?’

No shame in it. If I had the disposable income, I’d fix my spooky face, by a Harley, grow a pony tail, and leave my wife.

Kellyanne Conway is the latest public figure to undergo the Benjamin Button treatment and now, at 53 years young, looks like the sorority sister in college who wouldn’t return my texts. GLOW UP!

The White House counselor has endured countless insults about her pre-surgery appearance, including “Crackhead Barbie,” a jab from the fingers of the far-left whose hearts only bleed for those on their team.

If not, head for cover.


Remind me never to try to improve my physical insecurities by employing the miracles of modern medicine. Sheesh.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.