iStockphoto / baibaz
times is tough so when i heard @wendys was givin out free 4 piece nuggs today i knew i had 2 HUSTLE 🏃 i hit every damn wendys twice within 17 miles across 2 states 🚘 it took 5 hours but now we eatin free 4 a week WHAT IT DOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/SO8c7Ssm5N
— SKWEEZY ⏺️ (@Skweezy) April 24, 2020
Now, I realize that Mr. Jibbs is either a comedian or a pretty funny dude, and that this is a total joke. But it’s more fun to pretend like he’s for real, with those dirty Haines around his neck and that lip-curling Vanilla Ice sneer. So I say to Skweezy—hat tip to you, my good man. 11 Wendy’s locations within 17 miles, twice. That’s 88 nuggets, which is 3,907 calories. Unfortunately, using the recommended daily calorie intake of 2,500 calories, that haul will last Skweezy through a day and a half.
Unless he doesn’t eat that much? Maybe his appetite isn’t as fierce as yours or mine? Far be it for me to judge, but it’s entirely possible that Skweezy Jibbs supplements his meals with the sort of recreational drugs known to curb those devilish hunger pangs that the rest of us can’t ignore. Not only that, but it appears he drove in an S-pattern, maybe as a nod to his name? To promote an upcoming mixtape? Or maybe that’s just the route he chose.
Skweezy, enjoy those nuggets man. In the unlikely event that you can ration them out over a week, try microwaving them. For a while. Something tells me those the shelf life on those nuggs is a lot shorter than you think