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Want to know a quick and easy way to become the Stephen Glansberg of your fraternity? Become a narc. Hell, most of us would rather be known as the guy who shits himself after a few beers than the moral arbiter tattle tale. At least you can scrub away the doo doo smell, the stench of being a snitch follows you for an eternity.
Take Mike Pence, for example. Nearly four decades after joining Phi Gamma Delta at Indiana’s Hanover College, stories of the Vice President ratting on the brothers he was swore solidarity to are surfacing. But hey, before we nail Pencey to the cross, maybe what he narced to the dean of his college was justified…
A hazing ritual that involved butt stuff.
A frat brother housing an illegal immigrant.
A brother who enjoys pineapple on his pizza.
His fraternity throwing a kegger on its dry campus.
Well, I’ll be damned.
Dan Murphy, Pence’s former Phi Gamma Delta brother, told The Atlantic that as a sophomore at the small Presbyterian college, Pence alerted the dean that his brothers were violated the no-alcohol policy by having a keg at their house. Pence, who maintained a B+ average and “was not a particularly hard partier,” greeted the dean at the door and walked him straight to the kegs, telling the official they belonged to Phi Gamma Delta.
This, according to Murphy, diverted severely from the protocol the fraternity had put in place which stated that whoever answered the door would take the fall for the alcohol so the fraternity as a whole could avoid a harsher punishment.
“They really raked us over the coals. The whole house was locked down,” Murphy told The Atlantic.
To Pence’s credit, he wasn’t a total nerd burger. Although he “agonized over his calling” and seriously entertained priesthood, he was more of a tool than a buzzkill.
The yearbooks from his undergraduate days are filled with photos that portray Pence as a kind of campus cliché: the dark-haired, square-jawed stud strumming an acoustic guitar on the quad as he leads a gaggle of coeds in a sing-along. In one picture, Pence mugs for the camera in a fortune-teller costume with a girl draped over his lap.
Regardless, once a snitch, always a snitch.
Hey Mike, a few of us are going to go get blind drunk and chase tail like college kids do. You want to take your face out of the Old Testament and join us?
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Ok cool.
[h/t The Atlantic]