Last week, one of my good colleagues here at BroBible posted a link to a website that allows you to calculate how much money you could have made if you’d invested in Bitcoin before people started using it for things besides buying acid on the dark web. It turns outs that no matter what amount you put in, the result is “a shitload more than you have now.”
I didn’t bother to punch in any numbers because I wasn’t in the mood to feel terrible about myself. In the early days of Bitcoin, I was a normal, well-adjusted college student who decided to ignore long-term investments in favor of those with more immediate returns— which included more 30s of Natural Light than I’ll ever be able to calculate.
I experimented with Keystone and Busch in my earlier days before eventually deciding Natty was easily the most palatable beer for the price point, and have plenty of fond memories— and a significant lack of memories—associated with the brand. We eventually parted ways when I discovered beer was actually allowed to taste like something, but it’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Natty Light might be my alcoholic equivalent of the girl you did hand stuff with for the first time in high school, but sometimes those seemingly fleeting flings blossom into something much more. If you’re looking for a more serious relationship, you’re in luck. The beer is looking for a new brand manager, and it’s giving all of its fans a chance to apply for the job.
There aren’t many jobs out there where admitting to drinking will give you a leg up on the competition, so I suggest you take full advantage.