Phil Mickelson Messed Around And Got Shredded On Us

Keyur Khamar/PGA TOUR

Phil Mickelson either left his wife or he’s had traveler’s diarrhea for two weeks because the only reason anyone over the age of 45 gets sexy is if it’s for something or from something.

Before the Open Championship, Phil said that he lost 15 pounds in 10 days as a “hard reset” to prepare for the rest of the golf year, but apparently he’s been taking a page out of Greg Norman’s playbook and putting in the work to look like a certified sex canoe.

Phil’s sister (note how it’s not his wife, if that’s still what he calls her…) posted a photo of her contemplative brother in the ocean and my wife just left me for it.

Phil, like the funny, gregarious, self-aware, fun-loving man he is, responded in kind.

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Phil, pal, how about this bump in my pants? Doctors told me to give it four hours.

Philly, we knew you had calves to make Johnny Drama blush, but the whole package, know wonder why everyone every man over 40 in America adores you.