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Once upon a time, weddings were a happy day. From the cute save the dates to the place settings; floral arrangements and little daughter-daddy arguments like “of course we need a fucking brass section. How else will they play Uptown Funk? Your pension is a joke Dad.” It’s all part of the most special day of our lives.
At least, that was the case until the PC mob took a water break from Christmas and shifted their sights to weddings.
Via Buzzfeed News:
Pinterest and the Knot Worldwide, two of the country’s biggest online wedding-planning platforms, are changing their policies to stop promoting wedding venues and content that romanticize former slave plantations, representatives for the companies exclusively told BuzzFeed News.
“Weddings should be a symbol of love and unity. Plantations represent none of those things,” the Pinterest spokesperson wrote in an email.
Take a look at this Pinterest page:
Good heavens I’m speechless. My faith meter is wobbling past agnostic towards Dabo Sweeney pregame speech. Who knew that Yahweh moonlights as a wedding planner? Look at the light on those weeping willows! Look at the that cute reclaimed wood box of cigars!! Look at the elegance of that curtain-altar!!! I do declare: if you’re at peace walking down an aisle that once stood as a setting for one of mankind’s worst human rights violations, you should absolutely put your names down.
I mean really. What kind of culturally ignorant, historically tone-deaf assholes would even consider a plantation wedding?
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Via Buzzfeed News:
Actors Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds held their wedding at Boone Hall Plantation, where dozens of black people were enslaved.
Don’t be an asshole. Stop holding weddings at plantations. Consider one of these politically correct alternatives:
Ford’s Theater, Washington D.C.
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Word has it, the balcony is a great place to frame that “first look” photo. Keep your head on a swivel, hubby!
Pompeii, Italy
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Framed by the sleepy Mount Vesuvius, Pompeii is the ideal wedding venue for couples looking to blow the roof off their big night. Set the ground shaking as you dance beneath a fireworks show that has only happened a few dozen times since AD 79 (scholars debate. Are we really trusting some asshole named Pliny the Younger? Sounds like a bitch.) Quick feet beat the heat!
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
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Nestled charmingly near the water in Cuba, you’ll GITMO for your wedding buck here than anywhere else. With a hefty military influence due to a heavily-guarded “hotel,” this might be the safest place on earth for a tropical destination wedding. Make sure your guests don’t forget a snorkel! It can be hard to breathe through the water if you don’t have the right answers equipment.