Please Do Yourself A Favor And Watch This Wacko Explain How Plant-Based Burgers Are A Satanic Plot To Change Human DNA

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As a society, we have not found a cure for cancer, or mechanical ACL for athletes, or a more pleasurable substitute for a condom, but we are relishing in the age of meatless meat.

Plant-based patties like Impossible Burger are now available at 9,000 locations nationwide, and chains like Red Robin and White Castle are already reporting shortages of the cell-based burgers. Impossible Foods told Yahoo Finance it has seen 50% sales growth since the launch of its new 2.0 burger in January and sales in Asia have skyrocket by four times in the past three months alone.

Chrissy Teigen called the Impossible Burger “more flavorful than meat” and celebrities like Katy Perry, Serena Williams, Jay-Z and Trevor Noah were all part of the latest $300 million round of funding for the fast-growing plant-based burger company.

Companies like Impossible Foods aims to provide people with the taste and nutritional value of meat and dairy without the adverse health and environmental affects associated with livestock products.

Seemingly reasonable people actually like it.

https://twitter.com/Christian_Belko/status/1138859175004581888

One man who is not sold on the hype is radio host and founder of TruNews, the site organization that described President Obama as a “demon from hell.”

Please listen to his conspiracy theory about Impossible Burger.

For anyone with a brain, it’s totally easy to find the bridge between a plant-based meal and the creation of a race of soulless creatures. STAY WOKE!

https://twitter.com/Dar42/status/1139190755703042048
https://twitter.com/JoParkerBear/status/1139452351230676993
https://twitter.com/JimStorrie/status/1139199978922844161
Nice. All’s well that ends well.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.