Instagram / @dad.wilder
Sunday is Father’s Day.
Dads are getting screwed this year.
We better get some amazing Father’s Day gifts because we don’t get to have a hundred people over to show off our grill skillz, probably won’t get to golf because the courses will be overcrowded from reopening, and won’t be left alone because the rest of the family isn’t allowed to leave the house.
All a dad can do is binge-watch Roku and say “It’s Father’s Day” every time he’s asked to lift a finger.
Actually, maybe the day won’t be so bad.
Here are the funniest tweets and memes from dads this week.
https://twitter.com/donttouchjames/status/1272890510953365506
Sitting in the curbside pick-up line at Home Depot trying to look bad ass in front of the guy next to me in a big lifted truck.
It was going great until they brought my electric lawn mower out.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) June 17, 2020
Me: (confidently strolling out to the living room) You ever poop so good you feel like a fitness influencer?
13: (rehearsing grad speech with classmates on phone I could not see) Class of 2020, may I present to you, my father…
— Dad Fiction (@DadFiction) June 18, 2020
During a Zoom call with his teacher, my kid was filling out one of those "all about my dad" sheets for Father's Day. He keeps his volume at full blast (because of course he does), so clear as a bell I heard her ask: "What's your dad good at?"
The ensuing silence was DEAFENING.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 16, 2020
3 year old is watching Transformers with his toy Bumblebee
When cartoon Bumblebee is a car, Daddy must change toy Bumblebee into a car
When cartoon Bumblebee is a robot, Daddy must change toy Bumblebee into a robot
If Daddy is too slow he gets screamed at
Daddy is stressed
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 18, 2020
My oldest said Nutflix instead of Netflix then he laughed and laughed until my youngest punched him in the crotch. Living with kids is literally like living with the dudes from Jackass.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 18, 2020
Things that made my toddler cry this week:
– only wants to go up on the seesaw, not down
– I wouldn't serve her hot ice cream
– her shadow is copying her
– doesn't want to have bones anymoreHow about your kid?
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 18, 2020
[sounds from the kitchen]
7: DON'T ASK WHAT I'M DOING
me: aw hell.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 17, 2020
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBjr8o3pWTA/
Fine, I’ll start working at the office again, but I’m not putting pants on.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) June 18, 2020
https://twitter.com/mrjohndarby/status/1273449477240762374
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBDWUW2B8yS/
https://twitter.com/JCamm_/status/1273941562939056128
*watches toe fungus commercial
*remembers I have some really good cheese in the fridge
— Twin Dad (@TwinSurvivalist) June 18, 2020
Child: Why are our neighbors banging so loudly?
Me:
Child:
Me:
Child:
Me: Well, when a man and woman love each oth-
Wife [running in from next room]: CONSTRUCTION THEY ARE DOING CONSTRUCTION— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 18, 2020
24 hours to watch this rented movie? Whadaya think I am? SINGLE?!
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) June 18, 2020
***
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling. Reach out to him on Instagram & Twitter.