Twitter Story About Parents Finding $100K Cash In Their Son’s Room Makes Me Think I’ve Been Doing Quarantine All Wrong

mansion entrance

iStockphoto / KatarzynaBialasiewicz

Life in The Hamptons is different than the rest of America and that’s easily the biggest understatement I’ll write this week. Under normal circumstances, The Hamptons come alive from the late Spring through mid-Fall with Summer being the peak months but this hasn’t been a normal year, has it?

The last half-year has been wild and A TON of New Yorkers fled the city for their Summer homes in The Hamptons. There have been restrictions on where people can go, what they could do, who they can see, and what they can celebrate. This has left a lot of people lonely in more ways than one.

This Twitter story from @JaimePrimak is a wild one. It’s about her friends who live in The Hamptons finding $100,000 in straight cash in their 20-year-old son’s room. They immediately assumed he was selling drugs. As it turns out, my choice of staying home in isolation since mid-March was ill-advised when there’s apparently been a thriving entrepreneurial opportunity out there in The Hamptons.

This isn’t the longest Twitter thread but it’s a damn good one.

Is the story legit? I’ll let you be the judge of that, I’m just here to share the facts.

The Patrick Dempsey reference is to the 1989 film Loverboy with the plot “Randy is still unfocused after 2 years in college. His dad will no longer pay tuition and Randy gets a job delivering pizzas. Several cute cougars pay him $200 for pizza delivery and “services rendered”. Their husbands?” That movie took place out in California but the premise is pretty darn similar, isn’t it?

Here’s the trailer for that movie just in case anyone out there is curious:

I know some of you COVID-free guys out there are kicking yourself for not realizing there’s been a high-end market for laying pipe in The Hamptons over the past six months at $5,000 a pop. I’m not sure when this 20-year-old allegedly started his business but it seems like he was on pace to make more than double the salary of a first-year analyst at Goldman Sachs by delivering some sexual healing to lonely people in The Hamptons.