Presented in partnership with Inner Circle…
I met my fiancee on the porcelain throne.
It was an idle Tuesday in 2017 and I was hunkered down in the handicapped stall of the office bathroom swiping through a bot-infested dating app in search of that seductive dopamine hit we call Validation.
This is before I discovered Inner Circle – a dating app that challenges people to take dating seriously, and, in order to do so, it means actually spending time describing yourself. It treats a dating profile like a job resume. As a result, Inner Circle’s members are attractive, successful, smart, funny and, well, the type of ladies you’d want to take home to mom and dad, they’re actually looking for something real — not just some party boy hoping for a quick one-nighter.
Then, after years of deleting and re-downloading chatrooms masquerading as dating apps and developing early onset arthritis in my swiping thumb, she appeared. Like my digital rose from concrete.
Yes, I achieved the ultimate goal, but don’t you dare say I didn’t work for it. I was swiping in the Wild West era of online dating when vague swipe-hungry algorithms created a landscape that made it easy for users to forget why they even signed up in the first place. It was like a digital dating lottery but you didn’t even get to pick your own numbers.
I didn’t have the luxury of trusting my jaded heart to apps like Inner Circle, a matchmaker that:
- Screens all its members to foster a respectful community of over 2.5 million singles who want to match for the right reasons
- Their screens make sure its members are putting their best foot forward by searching out fakes, catfish, and scammers so the platform is safe and not wasting anyone’s time
- Digs deeper in profiles so you can actually learn something about someone before reaching out
- Provides meaningful conversation prompts that cuts through the pesky small talk
- Encourages people to get together (in person!) by offering tips, host events, and suggesting new places to meet your date
Inner Circle does just about everything to set its members up for success, but allow me to fill in the gaps using the knowledge I’ve acquired from a two-year crash course in online dating.
It’s easy to think of your dating profile through the lens of what she wants, rather than what you are. You may be tempted to use a profile picture from a decade ago when you were more svelte or use a gimmicky bio line to set yourself apart. Fight this urge with everything. No one is better at being you than you, and there are very few things more attractive than authenticity.
AVOID GROUP PROFILE PHOTOS.
The point of profile photos is to showcase YOU, not to force potential suitors to identify you out of a lineup from Brad’s bi-annual beachside bash.
REMEMBER, YOUR HIGH SCHOOL GLORY DAYS ARE OVER.
You two can’t have a future if you’re still wallowing in the past.
I learned this the hard way.
DOG’S ARE A MAN’S BEST
If you don’t have a dog, borrow one.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Inner Circle starts to screen out profiles containing dogs because it creates an unfair advantage. Dogs are not only furry and lovable and superior species, but they also show that you are committed to something other than yourself. Your dog is irresistible, therefore you are irresistible. It’s the transitive property.
A.B.C. (ALWAYS BE CLOSING).
Remember that the objective isn’t to acquire new pen pals you can text while avoiding work emails. It’s to establish rapport, and then meet up in real life to build on it. Text with purpose because you’re not the only one on her radar and with each passing day you’re becoming more and more irrelevant.
PRE-DATE MIRROR PEP TALKS WORK.
“I’m so money and I don’t even know it.”
Tell yourself that in the mirror 20 times before you head out to meet your date and you’ll start to believe it. Guaranteed.
Good luck out there, folks.
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