— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) June 20, 2015
Breasts are a giver of life, but this one woman’s breasts gave a whole lot of life. A woman from Honduras was caught carrying 3.3 lbs of liquid cocaine in her breast implants at the airport in Colombia’s capital Bogota.
Paola Deyanira Sabillon, 22, was attempting to travel to Barcelona, Spain, but authorities noticed that she was extremely nervous while waiting in the security line. If she just had watched even one episode of Locked Up Abroad, she would know that’s the number one mistake of drug smugglers at airports. After some questioning she cracked and confessed to authorities that an unknown substance was implanted in her breast implants. They gave her an X-ray and it the coke-filled implants were discovered.
A preliminary investigation revealed that the surgery happened at a clandestine clinic in the city of Pereira, in western Colombia.
Sabillon’s boogar sugar implants were removed at a Bogota hospital where the woman was being treated for an infection.
— Billy Corben (@BillyCorben) June 21, 2015
What kind of dumb drug kingpins are these? “Hey, I’ve got a great idea, we’ll hide several pounds of coke in this chick’s breasts. The security agents will never overtly gawk at her.”
Was it really worth it for Paola to get one operation to insert the implants and a second one to extract it? Let’s check the finances of this deal. She was carrying 3.3 pounds, which is equivalent to about 1.5 kilos. This website states that cocaine goes for $79.5 per gram. So that would make it $119,250 for that haul. So maybe it was worth it. Oh wait, this poor woman was probably forced into being a drug mule and was likely lucky to get just $200. Fuck that really does suck.
As ludicrous as the smuggling concept, it is still probably better than my idea to put squeaky toys in breast implants.