I want to get married. I want to find a woman who will put up with my obnoxious idiosyncrasies and excessive flatulence while still telling me that I’m perfect. I know there are benefits to marriage and starting a family that cannot be duplicated by being single and spending hours on Pornhub. But there are certain aspects of a life partnership that I have trouble jumping on board with.
Because most likely there will be a time when sex becomes less of a treat and more of a chore, at least for one of us. It’s only natural. I compare it to smoking weed in Amsterdam. Tourists take full advantage of smoking doobies in Amsterdam–it’s fun and exciting. But the weed smoking percentage of locals is drastically less than the rates around the world. Why? Because you can have it at ANY time, thus losing some of its appeal.
This commercial solidified the fact that I’m going to be a seasoned swinger by the age of 35. Just gotta make sure the other dude has a smaller pecker than I do. Can’t be having dudes showing up my chess piece with their Louisville Sluggers. That’s a tough look.