We’ve all been there. We spend a good 45 minutes of internal struggle trying to frame the question in a polite way to our girlfriends: ‘You mind if I skip date night and go to the game with the boys?’ Then we do that thing where we pretend we don’t really want to go but use the excuse that it was Tim’s birthday last month and the whole crew wasn’t around to celebrate, even though you did. Twice. But you’re dying to go, you need to go. And what does sweet baby cakes say?
No eye contact. No acknowledgement of your touchy, feely affection to soften the blow. Just laser focus at a State Farm commercial on TV.
So you add a sweetener.
‘I’m not going to drink that much (lie) and I’ll hang up those shelves that have been laying around for six months in the morning (probably a lie, depending on how long she plans on being a pouty pain in the ass).
“No go, Matt. Honestly it’s fine. Have fun.”
“Ok then. I love you.”
“I said I love you.”
“I heard you.”
*Matt proceeds to drink enough to kill a horse and wakes up in the parking garage of the stadium with puke dribbling down his chin*
*Girlfriend quietly resents Matt and manifests this eventually cheating on him with his dad*
Well, this shit–THIS FAUX PERMISSION SHIT–is reportedly what ruined Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’ relationship.
According to TMZ, Taylor was the creative force behind Calvin Harris’ smash hit ‘This Is What You Came For.’ Taylor wrote the song, and sent it to Calvin, who loved it. They went into the studio where Taylor did the vocals and Calvin did the beat. So far so good.
They both knew the song would be a hit, but Taylor wrote it for Calvin and both agreed it was a bad idea to let the world know they collaborated as a couple … it would overshadow the song.
So Taylor, who kept the publishing rights, used the pseudonym Nils Sjoberg on the credits.
Fast forward to April 29th. Calvin released the song with Rihanna and it became an instant hit. It’s been at #1 or #2 on the Dance/Electronic chart for 9 weeks, and is #5 on the Billboard 100.
The problem in the relationship came the day the song was released. Calvin appeared on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show and Ryan asked, “Will you do a collaboration with your girlfriend?” Calvin responded, “You know we haven’t even spoken about it. I can’t see it happening though.”
Exactly what they originally agreed upon, no? Calvin was just keeping to the script like a good boyfriend, ya? Well, as you and I know, it’s never that easy.
We’re told Taylor was hurt and felt Calvin took it too far.
It was a quick downward spiral from that point. One source called it “the breaking point in the relationship.” The Met Gala was several days later, when Taylor danced with Tom Hiddleston.
As for why the squad is talking now … we’re told they’re sick of Calvin trashing Taylor and feel he should be thanking her for quietly giving him a smash hit.
Taylor, love you girl, but you’ve really been chappin’ my ass recently. You can’t have your cock and eat it too. You legit got a new boyfriend in less time than it takes to heat up a Hot Pocket and now you’re crying victim when Calvin calls you on your bullshit. Calvin may be talking, but a picture says a thousand words. Do less. Ryan Reynold’s face is all of our faces.