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Even that fucking guy. I mean, look at him. Most “Come at me, Bros” end with a few missed swings, maybe a connected punch or two and a couple dudes collapsed in a heap of beer tears and shame.
This one ended with the raising of the undead. Imagine if that happened at the bar the last time you were out at last call.
Unlike episode six, where we awarded zero chill points, we’re passing ’em out like crazy today, because last night’s episode, Hardhome, was A plus. Hell, even the dick Wildling finally came around to Jon Snow’s side. In fact, the only unchill thing I saw was Daenerys telling Tyrion to cool it with the drinking.
Here are your chill bros.
7. This Fucking Dude
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He doesn’t have an name. He doesn’t need it.
Chill Bro Points: 250
6. Ser Jorah Mormont
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“You want someone to do some fucking fighting? I’ll do some fucking fighting.”
Chill Bro Points: 300
5. Theon Greyjoy
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As Tyrion mentioned earlier, there’s something to be said for a man willing to reveal a terrible truth, even at a cost. That’s was pretty chill of Theon to finally come around.
Chill Bro Points: 400
4. Tyrion Lannister
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Day drinking is the chillest thing a Bro can do.
Chill Bro Points: 500
3. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun
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Ain’t nothing wrong with smashing zombie motherfucker after zombie motherfucker. I could watch him do this all damn day.
Chill Bro Points: 1,000
2. Tormund Giantsbane
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“Or. Or. I could just bash your fucking skull in and talk to someone else.”
Also, his willingness to forgo centuries of animosity is pretty chill.
Chill Bro Points: 5,000
1. Jon Snow
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How many spinning sword slashes have you pulled off on your way to go head-to-head with a White Walker?
Zero?
That’s what I thought.
Chill Bro Points: 100,000
Here are the rankings after eight episodes. Can anyone stop Jon Snow? Take it to the comments.
1. Jon Snow: 599,950
2. Jaqen H’ghar: 9,950
3. Tormund Giantsbane: 5,000
T-4. Grey Worm: 1,700
T-4. The High Septon: 1,700
6. Ser Barristan Selmy: 1,300
T-7. Daenerys Targaryen : 1,000
T-7. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun: 1,000
T-7. Ghost: 1,000
T-7. Roose Bolton: 1,000
11. Tyrion Lannister: 700
12. Maester Aemon: 600
T-13. The Wall: 500
T-13. Rhaegal And Viserion: 500
T-13. Poderick: 500
T-13. The Sand Snakes: 500
17. Samwell Tarly: 450
T-18. The Unsullied: 400
T-18. Ser Davos Seaworth: 400
T-18. Theon Greyjoy: 400
21. Lord Varys: 300
22. That Badass White Walker: 250
23. The Sons of The Harpy: 200
T-24. Winter: 100
T-24. Bronn the Sellsword: 100
T-24. Kevan Lannister: 100
T-24. Mance Rayder: 100
T-24: King Tommen Baratheon, First of His Name: 100
29. The Dude Boning Loras Tyrell: 0
30. Daario Naharis: -25
T-31. Arya Stark – 100
T-31. Stannis Baratheon: -100
T-31. Brienne of Tarth: -100
34. Myrcella Baratheon: -100
35. Melisandre: -400
36. Drogon: -500
37. The Sparrows: -1,000
38. Ser Jorah Mormont: -5,200
39: Lord Petyr Baelish -10,000
40. Cersei Lannister: -10,200
41. David Benioff and D.B. Weiss: Negative A Billion
Ramsey Bolton: Disqualified