Jennifer Lopez Must Think Time Is A Flat Circle, Or Else HOLY HELL Is She Stupid

by 6 years ago

I don’t think at any point during her illustrious career has anyone been fooled by the rocks that she’s got. When Jennifer Lopez makes ridiculous blunders like this on screen, it’s obvious that there’s not nearly as much going on upstairs as there is with that donkeybutt she calls a rear end.

In her most recent film that came out January 23rd, ‘The Boy Next Door’, there’s a scene in which J-Lo is gifted a book from the eponymous boy next door. I haven’t seen the film in its entirety, I’ve only seen the clip you’re about to watch below. But if IMDB’s description of the movie is any indication, it sounds like one for the ages:

A newly divorced woman falls for a younger man who has recently moved in across the street from her, but their torrid affair soon takes a dangerous turn.

And while it may only have a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes’ Tomatometer, I’m confident that with time people will come find the genius within this film, though like any J-Lo flick this film it has its wrinkles.

In this scene we see the eponymous co-star giving Jenny a copy of ‘The Iliad’, written by the Homer. Homer is considered the first and the greatest of the Greek Epic Poets, known for ‘The Iliad’ and ‘The Odyssey’. Poems he spoke while traveling village to village, telling the elaborate tales to those who would listen….not writing them down as this scene would suggest. He was born in the 8th Century BCE, and thus has been dead for roughly ~2800 years, give or take.

So when Jenny From The Block accepts the gift and presumes ti to be a first edition copy (that simply does not exist) purchased at a garage sale for a measly buck, well it’s one of those moments where I have to take a step back and wonder ‘who the fuck ever let this woman become famous?’ While she does have fine assets, her music is either autotuned or garbage (or both), and her acting skills would be considered shit by a 3rd grader.

The only thing of value she’s ever done is allow us to laugh at her on ‘South Park’. Though she didn’t participate in ‘South Park’ directly, her likeness was torn to pieces by the geniuses Trey & Matt, and for years now we’ve been able to openly mock her as she sits idly by, too dim to know what’s happening.

I’m serious though, how in the shit did she film this scene and not take notice of the diarrhea coming out of her mouth? Does she not read? At the very least, she surely saw Brad Pitt star in ‘Troy’, right? I mean, how can a woman who purports to take herself seriously constantly go through life so blissfully unaware? If she was here now, reading this, seeing how much anger I’m seething with I’d like to think that this would be her response:

But the reality is that her reaction would be something more similar to this, the behavior that’s led to her actually having a successful career (and not her acting):

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