Just A Quick Checkup On Jersey Shore’s Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino Shows That His Face Is Different

The Situation was by far the most polarizing figure on the Jersey Shore. The lightning rod. The puppeteer. I respected the dude because he had more blind confidence than Stevie Wonder.  While Ronnie was sobbing over Sammi Sweetheart talking to her dad on the phone, The Situation was locked in his room masturbating to a picture of himself. For the sake of argument, I’m going to chalk that up to a power move. Probably the only guy in the house that when told ‘go fuck yourself,’ he took it as a compliment. Whether I want to admit it or not, Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino taught me more about self-confidence and self-acceptance than my own father, who just yesterday asked me why I didn’t stay in finance. I don’t know dad, maybe I like making less money and getting called a ‘dickless virgin’ in the comment section.

ANYYYYYway, I thought I’d check up on my man Mikey, who’s now 34, to see how he’s holding up. It’s been four years since the final Jersey Shore episode aired, and since then it looks like The Situation survived a wasp attack.

I’m not sure if The Sitch it allergic to penicillin or a caricature artist brought his face to life, but this looks like an entirely different man to me. A couple of my BroBible colleagues claim that he looks more or less the same, just a few years older, so I guess I could be alone in thinking that smiling looks like a workout for the dude. I don’t know. Tell me if I’m wrong.

What I do know is that The Sitch is back with his high school sweetheart, Lauren Pesce, and I approve.

The dude is in his mid-30s and looks like he hasn’t eaten a carb since Sammi and Ronni’s sixth breakup back in 2009.

Good to see that my man Mikey looks happy. Now lets revisit the most awkward five minutes in television history.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.