Smoking Hot Spice Girl Mel B Peeing On Bear Grylls After He Got Stung By A Jellyfish Is A Weird Boner

Bear, you dirty fucking dog you. Can’t say that I’m entirely surprised that the dude who ate elephant shit and ripped the guts out of a camel and climbed inside likes to be pissed on by a hot chick. If he had Lena Dunham out there with him, he surely would have resorted to Plan B: amputation. But you get the hottest Spice Girl out there in the wilderness and you’re just looking for an excuse to get golden showered. If you don’t think the dude who summited Everest and crossed the North Atlantic Ocean in an inflatable raft didn’t know that if he picked up a jellyfish, he’d get stung, you’re delusional. I know that and I can’t even crack the shell of a lobster. And the whole “I’m out of pee!” charade was more transparent than Carrot Top in February. I bet in the deleted scenes, Bear convinces Mel to take a dump in his hands so he can use it as war paint. Wave that freak flag, Bear. Wave it loud and proud.

At 41, Mel B hasn’t lost a step.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.