Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy. These are the most entertaining celebrity tweets this week.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/529287964367814656
Dare to be a badass.
https://twitter.com/hannibalburess/status/529315318901260288
It really is.
Your parents should give you the "You're gonna start seeing hair in new places" talk when you hit puberty AND when you turn thirty.
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) November 3, 2014
Truth.
My iPhone automatically reset itself for Daylight Savings Time. We did it. We made it to the future, and it’s better than we ever dreamed.
— Ellen DeGeneres (@EllenDeGeneres) November 3, 2014
Technology really is advancing at a rapid pace.
Jennifer lawrence was in my dream last night and we didnt even hook up. This is how weak my game is . I cant even score in my own dreams 😒
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) November 3, 2014
That is weak. I hook up with her my dreams all the time.
At gym, ESPN on TV w/ sound off. Closed captioning asks if Cubs new manager is "the missing piece of the pustule"
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 3, 2014
That actually sounds accurate.
I Don't Want You Guys To Think Because I Was Born In America That I Speak And Abide By English Grammar. I Speak Jaden, Indefinitely.
— Jaden (@jaden) November 3, 2014
Capitalization is also not his forte.
Do you guys want to laugh? I'm out to dinner right now my friend ordered the chicken he thought! It was a chicken gizzards. Lol
— Tara Reid (@TaraReid) November 4, 2014
Still waiting for the funny part.
halfway through season one of Boardwalk Empire and the suspense is killing me. Will they ever show us Steve Buscemi fully nude?
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) November 4, 2014
Dear God…
What I am doing in the men's room right now can only be classified as a homicide.
— Jim Norton (@JimNorton) November 4, 2014
Been there, brother.
I don't want to be a kill joy, but I think we could lose the "I voted" stickers, and put the money into…maybe nutritious school lunches.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) November 4, 2014
But how else would we know that people voted?
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/529655472513896448
Perhaps if we had better choices…
I don’t mean to brag but I’m already done not buying Christmas presents!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 4, 2014
Way to stay ahead of things, Jim.
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/529700097320165376
True more often than not.
Is it weird I have every close up picture of Rihanna's perfect feet in my camera roll…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) November 4, 2014
Nooo, not weird at all.
https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/529733136587190272
So good to have her back on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/danieltosh/status/529735155234390017
I think he may have his stories mixed up.
I love when actors say they're using a different muscle when almost nothing actors do involve their muscles.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) November 4, 2014
It is witty.
https://twitter.com/JamesDeen/status/529759292346609664
He has a rough life.
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/529882762023796736
That is a sign of things getting serious.
https://twitter.com/zachbraff/status/529886346672762881
More for weed though.
Instead of saying "America has sent a message with her votes," Obama should be like "The cap on my red pen is coming #OFF motherfuckers."
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 5, 2014
Would have been more effective.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/529973568822841344
No, Michael, that wasn’t up for a vote.
The American people have spoken. That's never good.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) November 5, 2014
True.
Did you know your soulmate is out there banging someone else…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) November 5, 2014
Yes.
Kendall and I will find you!!! We will hunt you down and find you!!! You know who you are….
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) November 5, 2014
Now I’m scared.
I gonna smoke weed in the White House ya'll.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) November 5, 2014
Bet you won’t be the first.
"I'm going to squeeze every last bit of opportunity to make the world a better place over these last two years." —President Obama
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) November 5, 2014
Yeah, no you won’t.
The AC/DC fan in me hopes Phil Rudd's murder-for-hire plot involved concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT, a necktie & high voltage.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 6, 2014
It would make sense.
RT if you're one of the few who didn't download flappy bird or the Kim K game 💁
— Maisie Williams (@Maisie_Williams) November 6, 2014
I so wish there were more RTs on this.
https://twitter.com/daxshepard1/status/530426086757519361
Scripture while you’re taking a dump sometimes helps.
https://twitter.com/rosemcgowan/status/530430835372343296
Is she talking to me?
Still baffled how I didn't get the role of Christian Grey after submitting visual evidence…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) November 6, 2014
Dammit, Ocho.
Why is everyone all over Andy Dalton this am? He did have a quarterback rating of 2.0. He's all, "It all starts with me." Strong take, A.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) November 7, 2014
How much is his new contract worth again?
FUCK THE EGG NOG
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 6, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!