Will.I.Am Thinks 3D Printers Will Be Printing People Soon. Like Human Beings.

If anyone has the number to Will.I.Am’s drug dealer, please email me the information directly.

Because no one who didn’t have the dankest loud would ever truly believe that human beings can be manufactured from a fucking 3D printer. Hell, my 2D printer jams every eight seconds and leaves larger streaks than I manufacture in my underwear after eating Mexican before going jogging.

But in the wake of Will recently launching Ekocycle, a clothing a luggage line made from 3D-printed waste material, he sat down with Dan Howarth of Dezeen and made us all positive there is in fact life on Mars. See the interview excerpt below:

Dan Howarth: How is 3D printing going to change?

Will.I.Am: I’m going to say something controversial. Eventually 3D-printing will print people. That’s scary. I’m not saying I agree with it, I’m just saying what’s fact based on plausible growth in technology and Moore’s law.

So right now we can print in post-consumer plastics, which is awesome. We can print in aluminium, which is bigger machines and awesome. We can print in titanium, which is pretty freaking crazy and amazing. We can print in steel, which is freaking hardcore. You can print in chocolate, and that’s sweet. You can print in freaking protein, you can make freaking meat. You can print leather. You can print a liver.

So if you can print a liver or a kidney. God dang it, you’re going to be able to print a whole freaking person. And that’s scary. That’s when it’s like, whah! And I’m not saying I agree, but plausible growth would say that with multiple machines that print in different materials, you could print in protein an aluminium combo.

Moore’s Law, of course. For you simpleton’s who haven’t studied up on this fundamental scientific truth, it simply means that over the history of computing hardware, the number of transistors in a dense integrated circuit doubles approximately every two years.

What did I just write, I blacked out.

He’s ain’t done.

Dan Howarth: How far away from that are we?

Will.i.am: Our lifetime. That’s scary. So unfortunately that is the reality, but at the same time it pushes humanity to have to adhere to new responsibilities, new morals. New lessons are going to have to be implemented. For real. Now we’re getting into a whole new territory. I don’t know what year it was, Moses comes down with the 10 commandments and says “Thou shalt not…” He didn’t say shit about 3D printing.

So new morals, new laws and new codes are going to have to be implemented. Humans – as great as we are – are pretty irresponsible. Ask the planet. Ask the environment.

Believe it or not, me and Will differ in the printing people timetable arena. Because I judge the printing people progress based on the current state of technology. Sure, we’ve landed on the moon (AMERICA!) and can send a dick pic across the world, but until our youth has no concept of a fax machine, will we even be able to think about the possibility of printing my next girlfriend. Fax machines are still a thing and I’ve never had a girlfriend.

And after another bong rip…

Dan Howarth: So you think we’re going to need a whole set of laws to regulate what we 3D print?

Will.i.am: Morals, ethics, codes. Laws means someone governs. When you have god-like tools, who’s governing me? I don’t know. I could create life. So new codes and morals – beyond laws. Something has to be instilled into us. We’re going to a place we’ve never been before. We made a Will, we made a car, we made a house, we made a boat, we made flying machines. Before, when it was time to reproduce you had to mate. But now…

You’re starting with beef, and leathers, and body parts. Eventually it will get more complex. It’s basically “Beam me up, Scotty”, a 3D printer that disintegrates the source. Star Trek is pretty cool, because they had things like iPhones, and the internet. They also had 3D printers, that was “beam me up, Scotty”. Teleportation.

Will says tomato, I say tomahto. Will says human, I say boat. Fuck it, it’s all the same. So if you’d excuse me I’m going to go have sex with a really good looking canoe.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.