DMX is sort of like the rap game Bill Murray. Everyone seems to have a ridiculous story about him. When he’s spotted frying up chicken fajita omelettes behind the line at IHOP after getting out of prison, no one is really surprise. “Oh, that’s just DMX behind DMX!” He is beloved like that.
I have a DMX story, though it’s pretty boring. I ran into him outside the Thompson Hotel in the Lower East Side a few years ago. It was about 2PM and he was by himself, talking extremely loud to a couple of tourists drinking beers outside at the bar down the street, Epstein’s. They kept asking him to sit down for a beer but he kept refusing. Yet for some reason he wouldn’t just walk away. I guess he liked the attention. While this is all going down, everyone on the block was like “Is that DMX?” while shuffling along, chuckling to themselves.
I told you it was pretty boring. More like a DMX encounter than a DMX story. But whatever.
Last night, when I posted our DMX IHOP story on Facebook, a BroBible reader hit up the comments with this bold claim about DMX owing him him.
Look — When you hear someone say something like that, it instantly sets off your bullshit detector. You want to call them out on their bluff. But who knows — We live in a crazy world and DMX’s life has been a bit of a roller coaster, so it doesn’t ask to see if someone can elaborate. Plus, the BroBible reader lived in a town near Buffalo, New York, where DMX just got out of prison and crashed an IHOP. So why not? Not gonna lie, I was incredibly intrigued to see if this dude actually had a story about DMX owing him money.
Judging by the reactions, everyone else on the thread was too.
But we didn’t hear from him, causing the anticipation to grow:
Until our friend finally delivered with a story about how he claims the rapper DMX owes him money. It’s the most ridiculous thing I think I’ve ever read:
Let’s read that again, in plain text now, with all text SIC:
Gather around bros and let me tell you a story about a time long, long ago at a cookout in a far off land(DMX’s grandmas place). So, we met at this cookout at his grandmas. He approached me by the huggies cooler with a devilish grin on his face. Needless to say, I was relatively out of place at this cookout and I think he preyed on that. We get to talking for a little while, he’s a sort of “in your face” gentleman in casual conversation. I don’t want to admit that I was a little nervous when he Began asking me financial questions, but the man does “resort to violence and his uhh.. His ‘People’ move in silence.” As the conversation continues, we get on the topic of child support. I’m just eating my burger and sipping on a huggie, trying to think of a way to get out of the conversation politely… When the inevitable happens. He explains how he’s hustled hard for his money and it is, in fact bullshit that he has to pay so much in child support.(I agree with this actually) he then hits me with, what at the time seemed like a brilliant investment opportunity. For a mere $60 investment I can receive 3% of the profits from his YouTube plays for the song “Ruff Ryder’s anthem.” I crunch numbers real quick on my sidekick(this happened a little while back) and respond with “Brandon gon’ give it to ya. I gon give it to ya.” Anyways, I’ve not seen, nor heard from him since.
He finishes with a summary:
We were throughly entertained, as were our readers. It’s DMX — Stories like this just add to the legend. Why shouldn’t we believe him?
I did the very rough math on what DMX would technically own him, if this is all true. “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” has about 37,595,000 views on YouTube since it was officially uploaded by Vevo via DMX’s record label in 2009. Very conservatively, YouTube typically pays a CPM of $1, which means $1 per 1000 views. I’ve heard from Internet ad people that it can be more in the case of an agreement with someone like Vevo. But using a $1 CPM as a rule of thumb, this means”Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” made $37,595 since 2009. 37,595 x .03 (the Bro’s cut per their $60 dollar agreement) = $1127.85. But you have to remember DMX’s record label and whatever contracts he has with various music business handlers probably take some of that YouTube money. Probably safe to for him to shave that$1127.85 in half. So $563.93! That’s pretty damn close to a 1000% return on your $60 investment. Not to shabby, even if it’s eight years later. Definitely beats the cost of inflation.
But, there’s a big problem with this validity of this Bro’s claim: DMX dedicated his 2001 song “I Miss You” to his grandma. That’s six years before this fictitious cook out at DMX’s grandmother’s ever went down:
Hey though — maybe it the BBQ was at DMX’s other grandma’s house? I suppose that isn’t all that weird.
We’re still waiting to hear from him on our follow up questions. You can read along on the Facebook thread itself!
…BUT, I smell B.S. Trolls going to troll.
But that said, that’s some good fiction.
Sorry dude. I was really hoping this was legit and that we could get DMX to finally pay you your owned commission for spotting him $60 bucks. That’d be a hilarious story. But sadly, as of right now…