Mizuno Wave Paradox, $135
Taking a page out of Frank Lloyd Wright’s playbook, Mizuno has crafted a shoe where form follows function. These things are like a Ferrari for your foot with a lightweight chassis built to turn you into a speed machine. Designed to take you on a durable, smooth ride, these puppies are the real deal — 10.6 ounces of hard-working material.
As a self-proclaimed hater of running, I took a pair for a spin and did not hate my running experience. It may not sound like it, but that’s definitely high praise. Seriously, there was hardly any cursing of my own existence.
Plus, you feel cultured the moment you lace ’em up.
The sleek design was inspired by the repetitive pattern of Japanese umbrellas. The pattern appears to have wonderful curves; however the graphic is made up of entirely straight lines making the shoe a true Paradox.
Gold Vladimir Putin iPhone Case, $4,000
Because if you don’t want to piss off Putin. Ever.
Kanka Grill, $230
Take your outdoor cooking to the next level with this mobile rotisserie unit. I don’t make many promises in life, but here’s one: if you take this thing out and start charring up some delicious meat over a campfire, you’ll instantly gain the respect of anyone within a 1,000-foot radius. The unit can hold up to 15 pounds of dead animal and will work on any heat source. My mouth is watering just looking at it.
Octavio Tilly Surfboard, $3,000
Hit the beach in style. Catch a killer wave. Never come back. Sound like a Point Break fantasy? Now you can live it IRL without the pesky death.
Boldfoot Socks, TBA
Channel your inner Herm Edwards by supporting this sock start-up specializing in fresh as fuck designs made here right in the good old U S of A. After all, this country loves an underdog story.
Summer is hot and the sun’s rays are brutal. Protect your peepers and look like a giant badass with OP’s mature take on aviators. This pair comes in four different tints, each more awesome than the last.
Make tangles a thing of the past with these handy earbuds. Sadly, you’ll find another thing to inspire your blind rage.
Salty Energy Bars, $reasonable
Finally, a energy bar for the mature human who has learned savory is better than sweet in every situation. Anyone who prefers candy to actual flavor is a child. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Kind has changed the game with a wide array of sophisticated flavors, all of which give me a bad case of the munchies.
DV8 Golf Clubs, $1,070
You’ll feel like freaking McGuyver out there with these quick-change clubs. These aren’t traditional sticks, they’re a choose your own adventure in a bag. One thing’s for sure: a round with these won’t be your typical round.
Key Valet, $55
I don’t know about you, but I am so sick of losing my stuff. I’ve lost my keys and wallet more times than I can remember — which is probably another problem. So this key valet is right up my alley. It’s sharp as hell and also serves a purpose, the exact opposite of what I feel when I lose my shit.