This 25-Year-Old Smokeshow Refuses To Work And Lives Entirely Off Rich Older Men Who Pay Her To ‘Hang Out’

Women are beautiful. Most of them are soft, smell nice, and don’t have hair in their buttcracks. For real, I could start a forest fire with a hot fart. Women are everything we’re not and without them, we’d all be shot gunning beers in a large field while helicoptering our hogs around. That actually sounds kinda lit, but it doesn’t jive with the point I’m trying to make, so fuck that, that sounds like hell.

Point is, we value women so dearly that we often make concessions for them. We eat sushi, watch chick flicks, buy them that egregiously priced purse they want even though they have the exact same one in a different color. Making sacrifices and compromises are what make relationships great. But there’s a fine line between spoiling a woman and just being a pawn in their game, a means to an end.

And the latter is a game a 25-year-old English girl named Simone Toon is exploiting. Toon, a sugar baby who describes herself as a “lady of leisure,” lives entirely off the funds of older men. And lives extravagantly.

According to The Sun, Simone’s several sugar daddies pay for her serviced London apartments, gym membership, vacations, designer clothes and even her two boob jobs.

Here’s a picture after one of them:

Hearing Simone snobbishly talk about her lifestyle is nausea-inducing.

“I could never ever imagine being with someone who wouldn’t treat me and wouldn’t pay for my lifestyle. I tried and it just didn’t work.

“My lifestyle on average probably costs about £4,000 ($4,985) a month just to maintain everything.”

“I wouldn’t date somebody who isn’t rich – I don’t find it appealing to date an unsuccessful guy.”

“I wake up around midday – I don’t like mornings.

“I go to the gym, work out for about two to three hours, maybe go and have a sunbed or get my nails done.

“My best friend and I have lunch around 4 or 5’o clock. And then in the evening I get dressed up and go out to a nice place.”

Simone claims the most lavish thing she’s ever received was brand new Range Evoque, worth £25,000 ($31,160), which she was was “perfect for her.”

She said she went to Dubai last week with her sugar daddy of the month and he gave her close to $10,000 in spending money.

Simone uses website to meet her sugar daddies. She’s even dated a guy who was 62 years old. Simone claims that she is unlike an escort in that her relationship with her sugar daddies is not sex-driven.

“People assume being a sugar baby is just going out with some fat old man – having sex with him when he wants to, doing what he says and it’s not, it’s nothing like that.

“It really is a genuine relationship.

“An escort is seeing people every hour. I’m not. I’m seeing the same person exclusively.”

She claims that she has a no sex policy on the first date. Your nose is growing, Pinocchio.

“If I’m going to date this person, I’ll go to dinner with them six to seven times and then after that I’ll stay with him. I don’t want it to become a payment.

“You fall in love, you are heartbroken. Just because they are older and richer, it doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get hurt.”

I know I’m hating hard, but if taking this girl back to my apartment was in the cards, I’d give her my credit card and my social security number. No questions asked.

[h/t The Sun]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.