21 Chris Rock quotes to make you feel better about yourself

"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."

Flickr/David Shankbone

While often a divisive figure amongst comedy fans, Chris Rock has for years been a pillar of pop culture, rising through the ranks of SNL cast member, actor, stand-up comedian, film producer, and director. Most people have pretty strong preconceived notions when it comes to the word and quotes of Chris Rock, due to the brash and profane nature of his stage presence. However, as you’ll see in today’s popular quotes round up whether you’re looking for wisdom or comedy, Chris Rock quotes have a little something for everyone.

Popular quotes can serve both as a reminder of humility, a source of humor and a catalyst of inspiration. So if popular quotes is what you fancy then be sure to check out past editions of this post here.

"Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy."

Flickr/Mr Moss

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”

Flickr/David Shankbone

"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty."

Wikimedia/David Shankbone

“If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.”


“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”

Flickr/David Shankbone

"Anything you can suck at should make you nervous."

Flickr/Douglas Pimentel

“You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense”


Funny is "only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself."


"I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up."

Flickr/Sean MacEntee

"When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children."

Flickr/David Shankbone

"A man is only as faithful as his options."

Wikimedia/David Shankbone

"I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity."


"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special."

Flickr/Jim, the Photographer

"People are starving all over the world, what do you mean, "red meat will kill you"? Don't eat no red meat? No, don't eat no green meat. If you lucky enough to get your hands on a steak, bite the shit out of it!"


"A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage."

Wikimedia/David Shankbone

"Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing."


“We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!”

Flickr/Rusty Clark

"You don't pay taxes - they take taxes."


"I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either."

Wikimedia/David Shankbone

"You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing."


I hope the irony of this one isn’t lost on you all.

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